Holley Gerth’s book, You’re Made For A God-Sized Dream will always hold a special place in my heart. You see, this is the book that started it all. My mom (Holley) had donated a ton of copies of this book to the house I was living at. After reading this book, I found her number and just wanted to thank her because the book had helped me so much. She asked me to hang out, and the rest is history.
I had a dream that seemed so small and silly, and so I tucked it away deep in my heart. I tried to avoid thinking about it because I feared that I would fail and be rejected. Through this book I laid everything out before God, admitting that I had a dream of being married, for the very first time.
The church had drilled it into my head that I should be content with where God had me. If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrases, “Give it to God” and “Date God”, I’m pretty sure I could have paid for my entire wedding. So I lived in fear that I was letting God down by desiring a husband. I didn’t have anyone to sit me down and walk me through the emotions that came with loneliness.
Looking back I can’t help but smile because my mom was parenting me through her books before she even met me. The adversary used to hold me captive with fear. I feared that I was damaged goods and not good enough to be loved by anyone. [clickToTweet tweet=”Fear is a liar.” quote=”Fear is a liar.”]
I eventually stepped out in faith and let people get to know me. The real me. They saw the good, the bad, and the ugly. I felt naked, exposed, and vulnerable. It scared the heck out of me. Underneath my “independent” facade was a girl who wanted to be loved so badly it hurt. A girl who couldn’t believe a guy chose her. I was in such disbelief that I would frequently find myself saying,“promise you aren’t going anywhere?” a million times a day.
I’d trusted God, let people in, and was terrified of letting them go.
Underneath my cemented outer shell was fear that someone would walk away when they saw what I saw. I thought the couple that wanted to be my parents would walk away when they found something better. I thought they deserved something better.
God walked with me through my fear and slowly, I began to trust. I didn’t have to ask that guy if he was staying because I knew he was here forever. He even gave me a ring to prove it. I could show the roller coaster of emotions I had to my parents as we learned to live life as a family. I knew that they would love me through my trauma.
I stopped living the lie that I wasn’t good enough because my parents and husband treated me like I was. Slowly, I began to see myself the way God does, and I’ve never looked back. I am so thankful that I didn’t give in to my fears because If I had, I wouldn’t have a mom, dad, husband, and daughter. I’d still be lonely, looking at that book, wishing but never trusting…and not allowing God to make my desires a reality.
I would have missed out on His best for me.
~ Lovelle <3
Shared by: Lovelle Gerth-Myers