Only in exhaustion would I bow low in prayer, always hiding parts away because I couldn’t let them go. I was always aware that this was my second baby and that I could have torn this family apart with an affair.”
Chapter 7: Thirsty
Seth and Amber gave birth to a healthy baby boy, but as she says, “to love.” However, Amber’s secret is eating her alive. After baby Isaac was born she endured two miscarriages back to back. On page 79 she writes, “I had hoped that I would take rest in God during another heartbreak, but only when the breaking happens can anybody really know.”
I want to park on those words a minute. I want to believe that in good times and bad I will have unwavering faith to hold onto God. Early on my spiritual journey I behaved as a spoiled child when things didn’t go my way. Now, many years later with numerous trials under my belt I see them as the refining tool they are. I don’t enjoy them, but going through the fire with God has brought wisdom I wouldn’t trade for anything.
What about you? Do you find it hard to hold onto your faith when you are enduring trials?
Chapter 8: Secret Hiding Place
There was a parking spot behind a tiny church off Simpson Point Road that hid me. I’ve hidden poetry, drugs, theology, music, and men. The hiding place is always the secret.“
In chapter eight we find the Haines’ home with three babies in three years. Just the thought makes me want to lay down and sleep!
Is there anything more refining than children? “We could feel ourselves being changed by the minute, and change was exactly what we wanted. We always said we wanted to be different, kind, world-changing lives but when it came down to it, we had been everything but different with our big house and fine job and cute dog.”
After reading these lines I had to put in my bookmark and think a spell. I wanted this for my family too, to be different. But as I looked around at my nice home, fine job, cute dogs I knew I wasn’t living what I wanted. How do we make the change from comfortable to different? I’m still asking myself this question…
Slowly life seems to be overtaking Amber. The day-to-day can be overwhelming. She was drowning in sameness…and the lie of her affair was demanding to be dealt with.
The confession, repentance and grace from Seth that followed was a beautiful, hard thing to read.
Have you ever had to confess and repent from a mistake? Were you met with the grace Seth showed Amber?
Chapter 9: Doula
A Doula is by definition: “A woman whose job is to give advice and comfort to a woman who is giving birth.”
By being at the bedside of her MawMaw as she left this earth and birthed her new body in Heaven, through being at the side of her best friends giving birth to their children we see how Amber is a Doula. But she’s also a doula in other ways…in community.
This chapter is about living small, different, and allowing community to heal you. We can feel the heartbreak among Amber’s words. She is grieving for a daughter she never held, her friends are grieving over lost dreams and it seemed as if God kept bringing more people into their lives that needed the healing touch of community.
A community of broken believers is being born.
There’s also something else I want to point out, the desire for smallness. What does this mean to you?
Like Amber, for me it meant scarcity. It meant I believed good things for others, but not myself. I twisted the idea of smallness. In 1 Thessalonians 4:11 it says, “…Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you.”
I see now smallness is living out God’s plan for my life. Believing for good things, even hoping for them. Not being scared if my dreams come true. And from the overflow? Being a bigger blessing to those around me.
Questions:
Have you ever had a secret that burdened you so you had no choice but to confess? Describe the feeling after your confession.
How do we make the change from comfortable to different?
What does living small mean to you?
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Shared by: Alecia Simersky
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