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Laying down my dream of homeschooling meant immediately embracing a whole lot of new.
With the freedom and excitement of new routines, relationships, and outlooks also came fear and challenges.
We waded through a flurry of phone calls, paperwork, meetings, and shopping to enroll our kids in school. A noticeable peace pervaded the process at first. Even the first two actual school days brought a wave of joy and gratitude.
And then we hit the bumps. With one daughter struggling in reading and writing, there was speculation over whether her grade placement was accurate. With the other, there were long division woes, and oh, the spelling words!
I fought back the condemning words in my own mind and the sadness and shame they carried with them: failure. Can you imagine what those teachers must think of you?
My inability to adequately allay my girls’ anxiety overwhelmed me. In my head, I knew all the truths that should have encouraged me, but they simply couldn’t dispel my emotion. Instead, we were all in tears.
Throughout this process, I had been noticing the number 55 all around me. Multiple times a day, I’d notice it on the myriad of clocks around the house: the oven timer, my wristwatch, cellphone, laptop, the cable box.
And I’d think of my friend, Amy. Over a year ago, she lost her police officer husband in the line of duty. His badge number was 55, and she learned that the number was police code for “I’m okay.” After his passing, she seemed to see the number 55 all over.
Okay, God. I thought. You must want me to check in with her.
So I did. And the 55 sightings continued.
Then it occurred to me…
The 55s weren’t about God asking me to reach out to someone. God was telling me: you’re going to be okay!
I’m really reading into that, I told myself. I can’t hijack Amy’s 55. It couldn’t be that God was ministering to me. My heart wanted me to run in the other direction.
Until I walked to my mailbox to find this:
At which point even my mother, who was visiting at the time, observed, “Do you think He’s trying to tell you something?”
Even then, I initially hesitated to receive His reassurance. But I eventually realized that this is where all God-sized dreams begin–by leaning into Him. (<===Tweet this.)
We love because He first loved us. He loved us into being, and His love saved us. It’s His love that created the dreams in our hearts. We must lean in, drawing close in communion to be filled with that love and to hear Him.
Going forth in that love, dreams come to fruition and spill His love all over others. (<===Tweet this.)
Friends, you will be tempted to run. Don’t. It’s counter-intuitive, but lean in close instead.
What is He whispering to you today?
What makes you want to run?
What makes you stay?
Shared by: Mandy Mianecki
Photo credit: Timtak
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Just love you 🙂 your words always sink in deep. Such the reminder for me today. Don’t run. You are doing an amazing job. So proud of you.
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Oh, sweet friend, thank you so much–for being you and for these encouraging words. XOXO
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Hi Lovely! This is beautiful. As I read through your list of “55” sightings I kept thinking you were going to end up in Isaiah 55. I guess God has another good “55” word for you – it’s titled “Come to Me.” Love you, Girl!
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Hi, Tobi! I just love how you put that, “Come to Me.” Oh yes, the power of Isaiah 55 is not lost on me–I’ve been holding that close too. So glad you mentioned it. Love you tons!!! So happy to find you here today.
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Tobi, Isaiah 55!! Oh yes!! Beautiful reminder…
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Taking deep breaths and leaning in.
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Yes! Way to go, Melissa! So proud of you and blessed to call you friend. He’s go this 🙂
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I swear I got chills as I read this!! Great God story! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!!
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That’s awesome! I love when I recognize God communicating with me! Thanks, Alecia.
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Thank you for the encouraging words today, I really needed to hear them!
God is moving my hubby and me back east to be near our grand babies, it’s wonderful but all of the logistic’s are overwhelming me.
Putting our home up for sale, looking to rent till the our other home is completed, packing etc… My hubby & I are not young chick’s we are baby boomers!
But, when you have a God size dream , He is able to help you achieve them all! Praise the living God.. I will lean in!
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I find logistics overwhelming too. Way to go jumping in and pursuing this dream! It is not easy, but with God you are doing it! Press on, Miriam! I’m cheering for you and praying for you. Thank you for sharing your story.
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I love the imagery in your words today! So many times I have been tempted to run away from life’s challenges; but, as you said, it’s better to lean on God in the rough patches. His way and timing, not ours….
I must add, that I keep reading about resting in God’s time…. I will do my best!
Kristin
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Thank you, Kristin! It’s so hard to understand God’s timing, isn’t it? I think He sometimes just wants us to come to Him in our challenges and let Him hold us while He works things out. Prayers for you!
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Mandi reading this today was such a predcious sweet gift to me. I wanted to tweet every word.. it was awesome. Thank you 🙂 thank you for the reminder not to run. I was so blessed friend
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Oh, Jenn, I am so glad you were blessed! Thank you for commenting to let me know 🙂 You are an amazing encourager.
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Mandy, As a runner both literally and spiritually…this is a great post for me to read! I am leaning into Him more these days, and I think my God Sized Dream may grow into something great this coming year. Trying to listen more for His voice and leading. Circling people and worries in prayer. 🙂 Jenn
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Oh, that’s awesome! Love all the levels. Way to go! Please let us know how it goes. Praying for your dream!
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Mandy- this is one awesome post- you writing is inspired to be sure.
What makes me want to turn and run is rejection, especially when it comes from those nearest and dearest. I’ve always had a mothering heart, but my darling daughter doesn’t want a bar of it.
BUT GOD.
He redeems our pain. He has given me a multitude of young people to mother over many years- and I have had enormous pleasure in living out my God-sized dream. The pain is still there- BUT. it doesn’t and cannot take away the joy of living out my dream of nurturing hurting teens as God gave me this passion and purpose and it simply cannot be taken away by anyone.
BTW I really want to get that book of Holley’s too- she and Ann Voskamp are 2 of my heroines of the faith.
BTW as well- what anyone thinks of you is their business, not yours- you know you have made the right decision for you and your children so ignore what anyone else thinks or says. lol
Not only are YOU going to be okay- you and your children are going to FLOURISH 🙂
God bless- praying for you. xx Mary.
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Hi Mary! I love seeing your name and words here. You are an inspiration to me. Your words and attitude are so encouraging. Thank you for showing how good and faithful God is. And praise God for Holley and Ann! They have impacted me beyond words.
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I just read this today and I must say, when I got to the part where your mom asked you, “Do you think He’s trying to tell you something?” I giggled mainly because I ask myself that question relatively often! I know all too well from my own life how something can be right in front of my face but I refuse to see it. Thank you so much for the inspiring words! I am a day late but it was a good way to begin my work day!
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I actually pray to have His message be loud and clear–and then I still miss it so often! Thanks for visiting here and I am thrilled that these words blessed you.
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Oh, can we hang out sometime, friend? These words were like a friend sitting across from the table. So grateful for your words, even at a distance that seems closer than the miles. You’re a treasure.
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Please?! Can we? I can’t wait for that day! 🙂 Kristin, I’m so glad that these words blessed you. You know how the writing and posting process goes–What do I write about? Will it resonate with anyone? And the timing in submitting versus the publishing…all of it. I cherish your friendship. Prayers for you, girl!
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Wow, Mandy! God has such perfect timing! I am reading that book, too, and it’s so helpful.
I’m sorry you had to give up your dream of homeschooling, but please don’t beat yourself up over it. You are so brave to let go and let God. As a friend once told me in another situation, “I believe there are seasons for everything we do in life and I believe strongly that God wanted you in that role for that period of time. No more…no less.” You still laid seeds that God will bring to fruition in His time and way.
“We must lean in, drawing close in communion to be filled with that love and to hear Him.” Thank you for inspiring me today.
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Thank you, Trudy! Your words are so encouraging, and I appreciate them. I am glad you were encouraged here too!
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55 – Yes!
Love when He breaks through our resistance.
You.will.be.okay
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Yes, me too! Thank you!
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Great post, Mandy! Thanks for sharing your story! Are you OK now? I am praying for you and your family. 🙂
To answer your question, what makes me want to RUN is thinking of all I’d be up against to accomplish and continue my DREAMS but what makes me want to STAY is the pure beauty of it all! I know that God gave me these dreams for a reason and He has a purpose for my life. And though the road may not be easy, the journey will be WORTH it! 🙂 And also, I believe if my dreams come true, it will help A LOT of people in their life journey! 🙂
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Thank you, Alexis. Yes, we are all okay now! It was an adjustment, but we are finding our groove. Thank you for asking and for praying 🙂 Sometimes, it is such a blessing to only see a part of the whole picture at a time. The whole thing could be overwhelming! I am praying for your dream and for God to be your strength as you pursue it!
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