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I grew up feeling like I was never good enough. It wasn’t something that anyone told me, I was raised in a loving, supportive family. I just knew I didn’t fit in.
I was a little bit nerdy (ok, a LOT), I took my schoolwork seriously and wasn’t good at sports. I desperately wanted to be a cheerleader but I had these awful short hamstrings that prevented me from doing any sort of toe touching! Oh, and I was painfully shy. A complete and total package!
In fact, just in case you don’t believe me….drink it in ladies, drink it in!
I spent a lot of years wishing I was something more. Wanting to have the voice of the “popular Kristin” so that I could be in the school musical. Wanting to have the athletic ability of “Holley” so I could play on the basketball team, or the beautiful, long hair of “Alanna”, instead of my rocking mullet. Can you blame me?? Did you see the picture above?!
It didn’t matter what I DID have, I wanted what someone else had because I believed it to be better.
I was unable to see the gifts that God had given me because I was so focused on the gifts He hadn’t. (<== Click to Tweet)
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This year I celebrated my 39th birthday and thank goodness things have changed, right? Oh, how I would love to tell you that I have a new found confidence, but friends, may I be honest with you for a moment?
This is an area of bondage that continues today.
It just looks different as an adult. Today those things are replaced instead with jealousy over those mothers who seem to have it all together, the writers who are publishing yet another book, and the blogger whose post went viral.
I look at all of you and I not only see how you are following your dreams and succeeding, I also see in glaring contrast, what appears to be my failures at the very same.
And I feel jealous.
There I said it – that “J” word. A single word that can, at times, keep us from seeing our own potential and stop us dead in our tracks.
I mean if I can’t do things like XYZ…. why bother right?
So the dreams are put on the shelf, which for a person like me, only stirs the jealousy pot even more.
It is a pit that I have had to climb out of on more occasions than I can think of.
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And yet there is hope.
Recently I messaged a blogger friend, one that I was feeling jealous of for all the wrong reasons. A beautiful woman who has discovered her gift of building community and is blessing so many. But I would see her and her presence within this blogging community and I wanted what she had. I wondered “why not me”?
I don’t know why I felt I had to tell her the ugliness that was in my heart – but I did. Mostly I wanted to encourage her. To tell her how I see her and to tell her that what she does matters because she is using God’s gifts in an amazing way. Also to thank her for staying the course, because she is making a difference.
She was so very gracious and even shared some of her own struggles. Even the women, who seem to have it all together, often admit to feeling inadequate at times. Ladies we are not alone in this!
And I started to see her from God’s perspective and not my jealous-colored glasses one.
Each of us was created with unique gifts. For some it is building community. For others it may be writing that “it” post that creates a buzz around the internet. Maybe for me, God created me with the ability to share my weaknesses in the hopes to encourage others.
None of it is better or worse. It’s just different. And it’s ok!
When we start chasing God’s dreams for our lives we will see beauty. Just the way God designed our individual lives to be.
Don’t let jealousy stop you from following His plan. Resist focusing on what everyone else seems to be doing “right” and start thanking God for the gifts He has given you.
Beautiful, individual, you!
Has jealousy even been something that you struggle with? If this is an area of bondage for you as well, please leave a comment and allow me the honor of praying for you!
Shared by: Kristin Smith
Photo Credit: Tim Fields
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Edwina Cowgill says
February 7, 2014 at 6:06 amI’ve always compared myself, my writing, my “whatever” to other people. It occurred to me as I was reading your post that comparisons are the subtle way the enemy uses to disguise jealousy.
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 9:56 amI wonder what it is in our nature that causes us to do this “comparison game”? The more I recognize it and write about it the more I see that my feelings are not unique! Oh how we need to win the battle in this area!
Jen Wagenmaker says
February 7, 2014 at 8:54 amThank you for being so transparent, its refreshing. <3
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 9:55 amThank you Jenn for the encouragement and the shout out on FB! <3 🙂
Ashley Fields says
February 7, 2014 at 9:07 amOh how I know that horrible “J” word all too well, mainly in the form of the comparison game. The thoughts that run through my head are generally something along the lines of, “My two best friends are getting married in 2014 and I’m still single (like, TOTALLY single). Will it ever be my turn?” or, “Everyone loves her blog posts; why don’t people feel the same about mine?” or, “She’s so pretty. Why am I not that attractive?” All of these things ultimately add up to one bigger question, “Am I good enough?” God’s answer to that always is and always will be, “Yes, beautiful soul, you are good enough. There isn’t anywhere that you can go to escape My love. Drink that in. Allow it to surround you and act has balm to your soul, and to your brokenness.”
FACT: This truth applies to all of us, not just me. All women are beautiful in some way; it is the way God created us.
Thank you, Kristin, for the beautiful words and for reminding me to embrace all of myself, the way God made me!
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 9:45 amYes Ashley!! We all are beautiful – it may be in different ways but we need to stop comparing ourselves to others and start praising God for the unique way He created each of us!! Thank you so much for commenting this morning!! Have a blessed day!
Serena says
February 7, 2014 at 9:12 amThank. You.
Comparing + Competing = Jealous Pride or Condeming Lack
I have been pondering this vice for a few weeks now. Timely for me!
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 9:46 amOh this area is just such a struggle for so many of us isn’t it?! So glad you are here today Serena!!
Jennifer says
February 7, 2014 at 9:16 amThanks for being so honest! What’s crazy is, I was feeling that way yesterday. I’m still in that waiting process with my dream as everyone else is living theirs out. I feel as I’m walking down that long road to the promise land but still not there yet. I am extremely happy for my friends who are living out their dream. I just wish I was there too. Thanks for sharing!
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 9:53 amJennifer, Even today I don’t know that I am living out my dream! 🙂 I think I am still trying to figure it all out…and it has changed some too! I think this is a growing process for all of us. While we may have to struggle through some of these feelings – we may find ourselves in a position to help others in the future! That is my hope at least! 🙂
Nichole says
February 7, 2014 at 10:24 amBeing content with the gifts I have been given has been a struggle for as long as I can remember. Often times I see others who are accomplished and think, “I’ll never get there. So why bother?” This is an area that God is asking me to seek deeper healing and risk some growth this year. He is pursuing us in the most unexpected ways. Thank you for sharing this today. Your words have helped so much.
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 1:03 pmYes He is pursuing us in unexpected ways isn’t He?! Love that!!
Sarah E @The Teacher's Wife says
February 7, 2014 at 11:32 amWhat a great post and so very true! Even small subtle hints of jealousy can stand me still in my tracks, feeling like I’m so incapable of being what I believe God wants me to be and going where I think He wants me to go. And for the record, I think those pics of you are so adorable!! You can’t help that you grew up in the 80’s and 90’s!! Perhaps I’ll have to reveal my bangs and sideburns someday and the horrific time I had growing it all out!! 🙂
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 1:11 pmSarah you are going to have to reveal those pics now! 🙂 I am loving how in the pics I am wearing full on velvet, shorts way high on the waist and polo fully buttoned. Cracks me up! 🙂
Alecia says
February 7, 2014 at 11:36 amI think you and I are one in the same! Same insecurities. I still deal with feeling like I’m not good enough and constantly have to remind myself I am. And that I am who God says I am. There are a number of verses that I have memorized to remind me of what God says about me, they always help quiet the lies.
Love the pics by the way, you were so adorable!! Still are 😉
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 1:10 pmAlecia isn’t it crazy how we find people that can totally relate?? Where were you in my awkward teen years? 🙂 We could have banded together!!
Mel says
February 7, 2014 at 11:38 amThis is good. The comparison game can be nasty, can’t it? So much of what you shared here today resonates with my heart…there are SO those days when I wish I was where others were…with publishing, with writing ability, even with speaking. (Oh, golly, did I just say that aloud?!) 😉 God has really been challenging me lately to look at what He’s given me…and what I can do FOR HIM with it. Oh, so hard…but taking that deep breath and focusing on Him brings so much peace. Thank you for your beautiful, honest words today, friend…just so you know, I think God has gifted you in so many ways. My life is better because you are in it. 🙂 (((hugs)))
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 1:08 pmIt IS hard, isn’t it friend? I am so glad you are in my life as well…who knew less than a year ago we didn’t really even know each other well! Love how God connects us!!
Beth says
February 7, 2014 at 12:19 pmThis is something I still battle with as well. A battle that has lead to an on-going struggle with an eating disorder. Such truth and honesty spoken in your post today. THANK YOU. This encouraged me greatly today.
Blessings,
beth
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 1:06 pmThank you Beth – I will be praying for you as well…as we battle together for truth and freedom! 🙂
Lisa Larson says
February 7, 2014 at 6:16 pmSuch beautiful words today, Kristin. I too, so often struggle with feeling like l’m not enough. And boy can I relate to dreams, and not having them figured out yet….glad I’m not alone in this boat. And girl, if only you could see what I see in you……you simply AMAZE me! So blessed to have you in my life 🙂
Kristin Smith says
February 7, 2014 at 7:39 pmOh Lisa thank you!! I just appreciate you so much and am so blessed to know you!! Thank you for walking this journey with me!!
Kathy @ In Quiet Places says
February 8, 2014 at 12:33 pmWe’ve all been there! Jealousy, comparison, insecurity, inferiority, and the best thing I can think of to say is to not let those negative attitudes stop us or get us stuck. We are going to experience those in our lifetime but what we do with it will determine how we move beyond it. Sometimes moving forward is as simple as doing the next thing and keep going and find a way to enjoy the journey! We are each unique and that is God’s gift to us!
I don’t know what doing the next thing is for you, but I have a feeling each of you know what that is in your own journey! It could be a very small thing, it doesn’t have to be a big thing. But it is a way to move forward and show yourself you can win this battle, this time….and the next time!
Kristin Smith says
February 8, 2014 at 7:44 pmYes Kathy!! You said it! 🙂 Thanks so much for your words and encouragement!!
Barbie says
February 8, 2014 at 11:08 pmThis is something I struggle with every day. “Not good enough” creeps into my head multiple times a day. I am privileged to sing on worship teams but I “don’t sing good enough” to be in the number 1 spot. I write/blog, pour out my heart, but “I’m not good enough” to be asked to guest post here or there, or attend the next big conference. Sigh. Comparison comes to kill, steal and destroy. At it’s worst, it causes me to turn inward and become depressed. I struggle to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I know He has good plans for me and that in Him, I am enough. Thank you for sharing! Such powerful truths!
Kristin Smith says
February 9, 2014 at 3:35 pmPraying Barbie that you will see that through God you ARE “enough”…because He is in you!!
Satin says
February 10, 2014 at 4:35 pmYou are making such a difference in the lives of those you touch! Jesus has placed people (like myself) in your path & you have so graciously embraced us, loved us, encouraged us & poured you heart out to us. THANK YOU!! ♥ I just HATE the devils likes that say we aren’t good enough. 🙁 Struggling daily with this myself, dear friend!! ♥
Satin says
February 10, 2014 at 4:47 pmKristin: Oh how I love this post-your transparency & your passion for Jesus! I recently wrote something from a place of weakness, but as I wrote, I began to see things through the eyes of Jesus. “The place where I am most vulnerable, the place where I am the purest, is a place where the tears flow freely & my heart-message can be heard.” If you care to read the actual post so you can view it in context, you may find it here: http://myhearthiswords.com/2014/01/22/when-tears-fall/
I’m not trying to put in a plug for my blog, simply trying to express that sometimes it’s in our very weaknesses/vulnerabilities that Jesus uses us the most. (another one of my posts “When I’m weakest, He is strongest”)
ANYWAY… love you, love your heart, and absolutely CHERISH your GOD-GIVEN GIFT to connect with us from the heart!!! You are a treasure, Kristin!! ♥