There are moments in life when I wish I could go back.
Yes, I often ache to relive memories…but there is one in particular. And I want to go back so I can savor it a little more.
I wish I had known, at the time, the turning point in our lives that July 30, 2005, would mark. It was the day our Cathay Pacific flight touched down in Jakarta, and, for the first of many times, our weary feet met the soil of Indonesia.
Our feet were always weary at the end of that trip…30+ hours of cramped airplane space and crossing oceans will do that to just about anyone! 😉
We knew we were setting out on an adventure. Following a calling. That our lives were changing dramatically. All of that…plus more.
But I don’t think we understood just how much the two years we’d committed to, along with the extra three we signed up for later, would change us.
I’d like to go back now…to look at myself then versus now.
And maybe to also tell that 27-year-old girl it was all going to be okay…more than okay, because her Father had great plans in spite of the inadequacy she felt.
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I think we all dream of something. Many things.
Marriage, family, career, crazy adventures.
My small-town, Iowa-girl heart always dreamed…Forever and every single second, it seemed, I was hoping for more, whatever that more might be.
I had no idea it was Indonesia.
Even after marriage, there were things brewing in our hearts, but we were both content enough…we had jobs. Those jobs paid the bills…mostly. We were members of a thriving church. However, there was a restlessness in our hearts for the depth and adventure that could be.
There was a desire for God to do something more.
And we had no idea – none – the doors He would fling open from that desire, that prayer.
We didn’t know how much our lives would change forever…sadly, we didn’t even know where Indonesia was on a map!
My feet? Well, they would never have wandered to Indonesia on their own.
If I had planned my own life, I’m sure there would have been plenty of traveling. Seeing the beauty and diversity of the world, dancing near the people that make it so beautiful. Exploring the beaten path of well-traveled and tromped.
But, instead, He told us that we needed to say yes to the deeper. He asked us to dance with the people, not just near them. (<====Tweet this.)
And so we said yes…and we didn’t just get five years in Indonesia from that yes.
We were the recipients of a gift so wonderful, I can’t even put it into words.
It was the kind of gift that shakes the dust off the walk through the kampung; the kind that breathes hope through the smile of a child with so little; the kind that brings laughter over out-of-the-blue, skin-soaking rain; the kind that brings memories impressed for a lifetime.
I have often wondered what exactly He was doing with this girl…one who, even to this day, still feels extremely unqualified for all He’s placed in her heart.
And I’ve found the answer in those words…He took me deeper, and is still taking me deeper, than my feet could have ever wandered on their own. (<====Tweet this.)
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And we did go back. Not to July 30, 2005, but we did go back on March 16, 2014, and my sweaty, flip-flop clad feet once again met my beloved Indonesia.
The morning I pound out these words, we’ve been home just eighteen days. Eighteen mornings that I’ve awakened, found my coffee, and taken a breath of thanks and sweet sadness. Eighteen days that have provided time for reflection, tears, smiles, memories…and all of those mingle with the strange paradox of joy and sadness.
The revisiting opened my heart again to what He can do when we just let Him…when we just say yes.
To tell you the truth, there is a piece of me whispering for Him to please take me deeper again.
Whatever that may look like and wherever that may be.
And I’m ready.
YES.
What is your deeper, my friend?
Are you afraid to speak it aloud?
Let’s boldly ask Him to take us deeper today.
Shared by: Mel Schroeder
Photo Credit: Emrys Roberts
Helen Gullett says
May 23, 2014 at 10:56 amMel, I always blessed by your heart and love for the people I love so much in my heart. THANK YOU for going there and be there. Your words always me cry. A reminder for me that where is actually the deeper water he wants to take me and my family, to walk on it with Him, trusting Him…
Thank you for today’s post!
Mel says
May 23, 2014 at 11:10 pmYour words are such a sweet encouragement today, friend. So excited to see what God does in your life during this next season! Thanks for being here…you are such a blessing. (((hugs))) 🙂
Kristin Smith says
May 23, 2014 at 4:55 pmOh this is such a beautiful post…I couldn’t comment earlier b/c I was on my phone but boy powerful words here friend!! I love you and hope you have a wonderful weekend!! 🙂
Mel says
May 23, 2014 at 11:10 pmThank you, sweet friend! Hope your weekend is wonderful, too…love to you! 🙂
Elise Daly Parker says
May 24, 2014 at 9:33 amJust love this post, Mel! I so get it…the God adventures that take us deeper, they carry us on the water, and though we are fully present, it’s like we’re along for a wonderful God-sized ride. Once we’ve had this experience, it’s hard not to yearn for more. Maybe that’s what keeps us yearning for more of Him? My deeper right now really is Him…I’m asking Him to take me deeper in all things, more fully reliant in Him – in my back pain, my struggles to lose weight and treat my body like His temple, in my Circles dreams, in my call, in where I’m supposed to live. I want to more deeply rely on Him and dwell in His peace. Not sure how, but trying!!
Mel says
May 24, 2014 at 1:55 pmI think that’s it…the desire for deeper never goes away once we discover how sweet it is. I love your “deeper”, my friend…and I’m praying for you. So wishing we could just have a long, heart-chat over coffee by the pool again. I miss you! (((hugs)))
Alecia says
May 25, 2014 at 9:25 amI agree, so good and powerful. I want to be able to say, “Take me deeper, Lord, whatever that may look like,” with confidence and no fear. Thank you, friend, for your words today.
Mel says
May 25, 2014 at 10:50 pmThanks for being here, my sweet sister. You are a blessing! 🙂
Sharne Rubera says
May 25, 2014 at 10:03 pmVery encouraging and power words which so reflects my own heart… something “more” whatever that more may mean, the restlessness, the yearning for more of God’s plans & purposes for my life. The knowing at the back of my mind that it can happen but not a clue of how or when or where… just trusting that God brings all things to pass especially the desires and dreams that are berthed by Him.
Take Me Deeper than my feet could ever wander… is a song I sing regularly at church and always with the same yearning of God I am willing, so take me Deeper.
Mel says
May 25, 2014 at 10:52 pmPrayers for you as you wait for His deeper…sometimes the waiting is so hard! Trusting that His plan will unfold for you, just at the right time! Thank you for your encouragement today…blessings! 🙂
Christine Wright says
May 25, 2014 at 10:47 pmWell, I just can’t even tell you how this post spoke to me. I really needed your words, esp in light of how God is calling me out. Love how you say yes to Him! Thank you.
Mel says
May 25, 2014 at 10:54 pmHe’s doing some amazing things, isn’t He? I’m so proud of you, my friend, for saying a big, bold YES. He’s got this…and we’re all cheering for you! 🙂
Heather @40YearWanderer says
May 30, 2014 at 7:20 amMel,
I’m so glad for you that you got to go back. 🙂
I know what you are feeling, but in a different type of situation. Maybe it’s forward rather then back for me. I’m still figuring it all out.
You are a sweet soul. I’m glad we met.
{{Hugs}}
Heather
Mel says
May 31, 2014 at 11:25 amThank you for your sweet encouragement, friend. Me too…hugs right back at ya! 🙂