I was so close to quitting it all. SO close.
Sometimes life has a funny way of telling us that’s the best thing, right?
Things were getting overwhelming and I felt, often, that I struggled to even keep my head above water. Between being a wife and a mama and now a NEW mama, six years later, who was re-entering the infant stage…let’s just say it was all becoming too much.
My house looked like a tornado had ripped through it, the dishes continually piled up, I couldn’t remember to actually finish a load of laundry in one day, and let’s not even talk about how many times I didn’t cook dinner…
AND? I was doing good to keep the kids (yes, kidS…plural now) fed and alive.
That’s how life felt two months ago when I messaged my dear friend, Alecia, and told her I needed a break from God-sized Dreams.
I was taking that oh-SO-much-needed break…but in the back of my mind, I wondered if it was a step toward being done with the site, too.
Between an extremely difficult pregnancy and, now, a brand-new baby boy…and trying to give everything I could to my family and life here, I didn’t feel like I had much to offer to other dreamers.
It was a hard place to be.
And so I told her I needed to step back.
A confession? I completely thought this post would be my goodbye one…the one when I admitted I just didn’t have anything left to give and thanked you all for walking this journey with me.
But, today…
I’m so grateful that God gives us those moments of clarity when we choose to step back and seek Him.
Two months later, I feel alive again. (Well, as alive as the mama of a three-month old who’s still not sleeping through the night can feel…but we’ll go with it.) 😉
The last two months have been a lot of survival, most days, as I’ve navigated a life that has felt overwhelming at every turn.
But there have also been moments of peace. (aka: Naps from the baby boy. They’re AWESOME. Just in case you were wondering.) 😀
And in those moments, I’ve been intentional about sneaking away for prayer and some Bible reading. (Of course with a cup of coffee, because we’re being real here.) 😉 And some days it’s for thirty minutes, other days it’s ten.
But those moments feed my soul and bring me back to where my heart needs…and longs…to be.
I feel ready to dream again.
I’ll confess to y’all that I’m not sure my God-sized dreams, at the moment, extend beyond being a follower of Jesus and a mama, a wife and a friend…and a constant coffee-drinker…but I’m ok with that.
And when we do that? Well, He shows us what’s next.
I don’t know what that is.
But I know I still have dreams. Most of them include just being a good wife and mama and living out the calling He’s given me for this season. But there also might be other dreams, too, that are starting to creep in…the kind that look like a new book from a place in my heart I never thought I’d share. We’ll see. 🙂
I’m good with not knowing right now.
But what I DO know is that it feels good to be back…and to be ready to dream again.
Wherever y’all are in your dreaming season, know that it’s ok…and that if you continue to seek Him, God will show you exactly where He wants you to be.
He’s showing me…and I’m so, so thankful.
I’d love to say a prayer for you today…leave me a comment if there’s any way I can encourage you. 🙂
Shared by: Mel Schroeder
Judy Layton says
October 26, 2016 at 6:29 amHello sweet friend! How good it was to see your name pop up this morning! Life changes can really knock the air out of us! I will be praying that with each day the Lord will give you “rainbow” moments as you readjust to “life as it is” . Sounds like you’ve made a good start!
Keep me posted special friend! Sending hugs and smiles as I thank God for you!
Judy
Mel Schroeder says
October 26, 2016 at 8:01 amOh, friend…seeing your words here made my morning. Thank you. 🙂 For sure, there have been many moments of readjusting, but I’m doing well. And it feels so good to be “back”! Blessings and hugs right back to you!
Renette says
October 26, 2016 at 8:10 amHave you ever been at the place where you really need an answer from God Urgently. This is me right now My marriage is going one way and fast. Since I’ve been obedient to God to build an altar out of stone on the 9 September things change for the worse in my marriage. My husband told me Monday night that he do not love me anymore and he has become as hard as a rock towards me. He has been and is still having various affairs for the last 2 yrs. It has riched the point where this morning I could not even pray for my husband anymore. I have been asking God for direction for over 2 yrs now, change his heart; turn him into a Kingdom builder for God. I am at the point of quiting, I can not do this anymore. Plse pray with and for me. I need an answer from our Abba Father now. My heart is shattered and I am still so in love with Rob.
Mel Schroeder says
October 26, 2016 at 8:23 amOh, Renette…yes. I just prayed for you. I am so sorry you are going through this.
What I love about God and prayer is that there are times when we don’t even know how to pray, but He understands our hearts and the things that are weighing on us. And He knows exactly what we need. I will pray, especially throughout today, that somehow God will work in your husband’s heart and begin to restore your marriage. I don’t know how He will answer this, but I do know that He will meet you exactly where you are and take care of you. Blessings and hugs to you…thank you for sharing so we can pray.
jessicavanroekel says
October 26, 2016 at 8:29 amIsn’t it amazing how ‘dreams come true’ have their own adjustment periods? Sometimes I’ve had to step back too, not from the dream, but so I can adjust to the new normal the dream brings. I’m so glad you were able to recognize you needed to step back and not quit. We need your voice in the chorus of voices so the song can be richer and fuller. Thank you for sharing your heart and I pray your nap times may be full of God’s presence.
Created Well @ The AntiBlog says
October 29, 2016 at 10:33 pmThank you for sharing this! I appreciate your honesty. I have often been inspired by the posts here and this has been one of them. I’m pregnant with our first and getting ready to take the leap into mommyhood/one income-hood/chasing my dreams full-time-hood. It’s a bit scary but doing it any differently is not something I can fathom right now. If you think about it, please pray for me, my husband, and our coming little one as we adjust to a new normal and trust God in new ways.