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There’s a furry gray boundary-buster in the next room.
He symbolizes my tendency to overdo things, just a bit. Let me set the scene: On this Sunday in late September, I was preparing to bring my three kids back from a visit at my parents’ Ohio farm.
My husband had gone on ahead; he had a plane to catch for a week-long training session. Yes, I’d be single-parenting for a week. And, at the end of that week, right after my husband got home, I was throwing a surprise birthday party for said husband, who was turning 40. And, yes, I was planning, purchasing supplies, and setting up for that party on my own during this week of solo parenting.
So, I did what any sane mom would do. I went back to the country fair we’d attended that weekend and I bought a cute, fuzzy, gray, 6-week-old bunny. I didn’t consult my husband. I didn’t research bunny care. I didn’t consider my schedule or what this would involve. I wanted to do it, and I did.
My kids were ecstatic. My husband was not. {When he arrived home after a long week away, my three-year-old ran out into the driveway to greet him and said: Surprise, it’s a bunny!}
Surprised, he was. Happy, he was not.
We dreamers, we’re passionate people. We can be obsessive, impulsive, emotional. We see possibility where others see impossibility.
We keep adding good things to our already lengthy to-do lists, keep piling on worthy commitments to our already over-committed schedules.
We think: It’s a good thing, so let’s do it. We don’t pause to consider whether we should do it, we just jump right in with both feet.
In short, we can have boundary issues. {As in, we have none.}
For dreamers, for visionaries, for those who pursue God’s purpose in their lives avidly, boundaries are essential. Without them, we overcommit, burn out, get grumpy with our families and friends. We pursue so many good things at the same time, they cancel each other out and we can’t process any of it.
In her devotional, Opening the Door to Your God-sized Dream, Holley Gerth talks about a season where she was feeling overwhelmed. Her wise friend said: “Holley, you’re a dreamer. You will always be able to think up more than you can actually do. And God doesn’t expect you to do it all.”
What a relief, isn’t it?
For me, setting boundaries means I need to put any new “thing” {however honorable, cute, or fuzzy} through a tri-fold lens:
- Schedule: Can I honestly fit this in? How long will this commitment/project take? Over how many days/weeks/months? What other things are scheduled during this same time frame?
- Match: Is this particular commitment a good match for me, both at my current life stage and with my specific life priorities and goals?
- Will: Do I sense God’s call in this? Have I taken time to pray and reflect on the decision, or am I just rushing ahead on my own steam?
The bunny has turned out to be a lot more work than we imagined. His cage setup costs more than we thought. He eats his way through a shocking amount of alfalfa hay and food pellets. We have to buy lots of fluffy bedding and paper litter, and his cage can really smell when we don’t keep on top of it.
He can be a good thing, Mr. Nibbles.
His pelt feels like heaven on earth — like dense, rich velvet with a half-inch-thick plush nap. {Seriously, you have never felt anything so soft.} When he’s startled, he does this adorable little bum-twitch: He runs, and at the same time, kicks and lifts his back legs over to the side. His stretches are delicious: He’ll drape his bunny body long, front legs fully extended, back legs also unfurled behind him, white fluff-tail punctuating the movement.
Yet, if I had to do it again, Mr. Nibbles would have never made his way through my three-part decision-making boundary process.
So, the next time you think you could/should add another commitment/project/pet, remember me. Remember Mr. Nibbles. And, recall boundaries.
Do you struggle with boundaries? How do you work to set limits that free you to focus on what matters most?
Shared by: Elizabeth May
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Elaine O'Neill says
This was exactly what I needed today! What should I do? Can I fit this in! Does my schedule allow for an extra time consuming item? Lord, take over my schedule so that what I really have to do gets done. Help me to set boundaries that fit into Your plan. Thanks for the encouragement to get on track.
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Elizabeth May says
Elaine: I love your prayer. I used it for myself today!
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Christine Wright says
Beautiful prayer, Elaine!
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Kristin Smith says
Beautiful post friend!! Recently I had to say no to leading a couple of groups that I was involved in and it wasn’t really what I wanted but I felt strongly that God was telling me no for this season. But I felt at peace about it that this was God’s plan for now and I think He blesses us in our obedience!!
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Elizabeth May says
Those no’s are so hard, aren’t they? But, as you aptly said, He sees that obedience and He blesses us abundantly!
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Alecia says
Mr. Nibbles is so adorable!! I’m glad to know now how much work goes into a bunny, my daughter has been wanting one 🙂 So, nope, I’ll think we’ll pass on a bunny. Great reminder Beth on boundaries, something us dreamers all need.
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Elizabeth May says
Yes, he is a cute, little ole’ boundary-buster, isn’t he? But, yes, I had *NO* idea what he would involve. I had bunnies growing up on our farm, but they stayed outdoors in a hutch. Totally different situation…
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Christine Wright says
Alecia, isn’t he cute? I love Mr. Nibbles!!
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Olivia says
I am also struggling with those boundaries. And I’m an empty-nest mom, and semi-retired! You’d think I’d have time for all that I want to do. In many respects, it’s also about priorities. Thank you for this reminder to keep things and projects and dreams in perspective.
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Elizabeth May says
Olivia: It is so important for me to hear your perspective — we moms of littles can forget that every stage has its own kind of busyness, and that we all struggle with the same problems, no matter what our life stage. We can always dream up more than we can do, as Holley’s friend said…
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Mandy says
So, confession: I am pretty sad when it comes to boundaries. But, imperfect progress, right? That’s what I’m shooting for. I find that I really need to examine my motives for taking something on, and I still fall many times because of people pleasing. Thanks for these criteria. Great post, girl!
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Satin says
Mandy, I agree!! This is so me! My heart is so big & my desire to please others, help others & show love to others often overshadow the reality that I need to find simpler ways to express my love & not over-commit!! I needed this today!! Thank you for sharing-Elizabeth!! 🙂 ♥
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Elizabeth May says
Satin and Mandy: Can I ever relate? I tend to be soft-hearted as well, and I just love to help others and share my skills/experience, but there are times that just because I *can* do it, doesn’t mean I *should*. Often when I’m asked to do something, I’m flattered as well, and that can play into the whole over-committing too…
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Christine Wright says
Mandy, Satin, Elizabeth – love your honesty! (And pls add me to the list with you…)
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Mel says
Oh, how this resonated with me today…yep, I’ve been there. On a January night in 2006, my husband and I were walking through a mall in Indonesia and ended up coming home with another golden retriever puppy because I “fell in love”. Oy…. 😉 And while Sammy has been a beam of sunshine in our family, it was a decision we probably should have thought through just a wee bit more! 😉 But we brought him home from Indo, and all is good in our crazy, golden-retriever-fur-covered house…I just have to vacuum about six times a day. Ha!
This has been a season of learning to set boundaries. And I’m about to say no to something, and I don’t like it, but it needs to happen. I overcommit myself, and it’s not good for anyone. These are really good words…thanks for this today. Love to you, my sweet dreaming sister! You are a blessing.
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Elizabeth May says
Mel, can I tell you how relieved I am to have some company? So, I’m not the only crazy person who impulse-buys pets? I will be praying for you as you say that hard no and firm up those boundaries!
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Janelle says
My word this was powerful. I’m actually sobbing. This hit a real chord with me. Thank you for writing this God-breathed powerful post.
Janelle
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Elizabeth May says
Oh, Janelle, I hear you! It must have hit you hard because you needed it … I needed it today too. I think God is working through us both to set those boundaries and keep to them 🙂
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Jennifer @ The Simple Pen says
Oh, sweet friend, you have no idea how I needed to hear this today. We’re running into the same thing with the puppy we got for Christmas. Of course, she’s staying. But she’s making me reevaluate how I make decisions. (Yes, she was my idea.) I heard a speaker this past weekend who challenged everyone to consider what they should give up when they take on something new. Novel idea, eh? I needed to hear that, and I needed to read your words today. Thank you!
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Christine Wright says
Oh, I like what that speaker said, Jennifer! (And your puppy is awfully cute – but yes, I hear you!)
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Elizabeth May says
Puppies are a lot of work too, aren’t they? I”m glad we can work through this together! Let me let you in on a secret… the dog we have–my idea. The fish — my idea. The bunny- my idea. The hermit crab and leopard gecko — both my idea– though we don’t have them any more… I think I have a pet problem….
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Toni C says
This paragraph “We dreamers, we’re passionate people. We can be obsessive, impulsive, emotional. We see possibility where others see impossibility. We have Big ideas, Big plans — and Big breakdowns. We keep adding good things to our already lengthy to-do lists, keep piling on worthy commitments to our already over-committed schedules.” was lifted right out of my playbook. This year, I’m trying to do just a tiny bit better. I have stepped away from 2 ministry commitments to fully dedicate myself to the ministry I oversee. And still…and still…I have about 3 new projects vying for my attention through that one ministry. Not to mention my full time job (and forget housework!). I’ve never been an impulsive pet buyer :), but I can give away my free time (and alone with God time) by piling on those worthy commitments with the best of ’em. I love the guidelines of Schedule, Match, Will. I pray I will remember and apply them each time I am tempted to add to my plate. It reminds me of 1 Cor. 10:23 “”I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.” Thank you for this wonderful post!
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Christine Wright says
Toni – didn’t you just love those lines?! I had to sit in shock after reading those – Big ideas, Big plans, Big breakdowns – check, check, check!!
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Elizabeth May says
Thank you for sharing that verse, Toni! It’s a good one. We’ll be praying for you as you set ministry and other life boundaries. 🙂
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Jenn Hand says
Great post friend.. such a great perspective and reminder.. bunnies and boundaries.. that makes boundaries sound a whole lot more fun! thanks!
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Elizabeth May says
Thanks, Jenn. Even if we aren’t impulse pet buyers, I love how the concept of boundaries reaches us all on some level!
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Chelle Wilson says
Elizabeth,
I’ve missed catching up with Mr. Nibbles….man, he’s gotten big. You reeled us in with adorable in order that we might get the lesson, and it worked. I particularly admire the way you’ve stepped back from a couple things lately in order to do less more richly-I am grateful for your wisdom, and your friendship.
Bunny hug Mr. N for me, and have your Mr and the littles hug you-tight!
Peace and good to you sister dreamer,
Chelle
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Elizabeth May says
Chelle: glad to catch you up on our bunny escapades. “To do less more richly”– wow, I love how you put it! I think I need to that more often…
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kimberly amici says
I say yes to too many things, all things that ‘right up my alley’. I really want to do them…but I can’t possibly do them all. I am learning to scale back and focus on a few things and be faithful in those.
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Elizabeth May says
Yes, like you, I think if it’s “up my alley,” then it must be something I’m *meant* to do. I’m trying to get better at realizing it might be perfect for me, but maybe not right here, right now, with my current schedule and commitments.
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