Being the only girl in our family of four children, I was raised to be strong, independent, and self-reliant. Living with three brothers, I learned quickly how to stand my own ground. In fact, one saying our father coined in our family was, “You gotta be tough.” So, I was.
My loving parents did everything they could to prepare and equip me to be able to take care of myself when I got out in the real world. That included changing my own flat tire, pumping my own gas, balancing my checkbook, and cooking, cleaning, and the like. They taught me to work hard, to stand up for what I believed in, and that nothing was impossible for me to achieve.
Maybe it was because of my independent spirit or my self-reliant attitude that for a long season in my life I believed I could handle most anything and everything on my own. I wasn’t one to ask for help, and I certainly didn’t want to appear like I needed any. Goodness no!
That changed the day my father died.
Life, as I knew it, came to a standstill. The pain of my heartache was excruciating, and I buckled under the weight of my grief. This was well beyond what I could handle, and it didn’t take me long to understand this was something I couldn’t bear on my own.
Friend, I pray you have not experienced such heartache and grief in your life. I pray you’ve never lost anyone so close and so dear to you. But, if you have, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. I imagine you might be able to relate to and understand such brokenness and pain.
God, however, met me in ways I never could have expected. At times I could almost feel Him holding me in my heartbreak and pain. That verse is true about Him being close to the brokenhearted. He provided a handful of friends who came alongside to help carry me and my grief. God taught me it’s okay and acceptable to allow others to help, and it can be a blessing to ask for it.
We weren’t meant to travel this road of life alone.
We need each other.
Read with me Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
God didn’t design us to walk this road of life on our own. You and I are designed for community. We are fashioned to do life with those around us. To walk alongside each other, to lift, to bless, to serve, to infuse hope. To encourage one another in our God-sized dreams and to do life with each other.
We need each other.
We already know life is a precious gift. But, it becomes even more special when it’s shared with others. A life shared becomes more than it could ever be on its own.
But, what if you find yourself alone? What if you don’t feel you’re a part of a community, or you feel you don’t need one? What then? My best suggestion is to pray. Whatever situation you find yourself in regarding community, I encourage you talk with God about it. He has the answers no one else has, and if you’re desiring community, He has one just perfect for you.
A bond grew between me and those friends who traveled that road of grief alongside of me. They became the community I didn’t know I needed. A community placed in my life by God, Himself. A community that helped me dream again. And, a community I can’t imagine my life without.
Friend, we are made for community. We need each other.
Shared by: Julie Lefebure
Michele Morin says
March 13, 2017 at 6:39 amJulie, I’m so thankful that you shared this part of your story today, and especially appreciate your godly counsel to pray about whatever situation we find ourselves in regarding community. The God who is close to the brokenhearted can certainly handle our need for people to come alongside us in this faith journey.
Julie Lefebure says
March 13, 2017 at 9:14 amMichele, I find it simply amazing how God places people in our lives just when we need them. I’m thankful God has placed you in mine! Blessings to you, friend.
Michele Morin says
March 13, 2017 at 9:17 amAnd you also, Julie!
Joanne Viola (@JViola79) says
March 13, 2017 at 8:12 amJulie, I am so grateful to have read your story this morning. Our God not only comes close to us Himself during our days of brokenness, but He also will provide others to come close. We surely do need one another. May God give me eyes to see who I may come alongside of each day.
Julie Lefebure says
March 13, 2017 at 9:31 amI’m praying the exact same thing today, Joanne… for Him to give me eyes to see the one who might need another today. So thankful He provides what we need, when we need it! Bless you, Joanne!
Dawn Boyer says
March 13, 2017 at 9:36 amJulie,
So many good things to lead us into hope here… a reminder that prayer is the answer to all our need, the admontion that God is holding our heart’s when they are broken ( oh, my goodness…so good), and that the community we didn’t know we needed was already provided. All of this is found as we press into Him, isn’t it? So the theme you are weaving is a pressing in to the dependence we need in Him rather than independence of His goodness…. depend in not independent of… 🙂 I love that.
I am sorry for your hurt and loss. We lost my father-in-law last year. It was sudden and unexpected and it was hard. Still miss him so. Thanks for the heartfelt grace here.
Blessings,
Dawn
Julie Lefebure says
March 13, 2017 at 9:52 amDawn, I’m sorry for your loss as well. My father died seventeen years ago (can’t believe it’s been that long ago!), but it still is so hard. I’m thankful God meets us in our brokenness and heartache. I love your words above… “depend in not independent of.” So good! Have a blessed day, friend!
Mandy Hughes says
March 13, 2017 at 10:28 amWhen hardship falls on us- the loss of a loved one, financial burdens, broken relationships- we have a choice to lean in all the more to our Heavenly Father or become indifferent out of anger for allowing such heartache. How wonderful it is when we choose to trust God in the midst of pain for then we can witness how sincerely He cares for us. I’m happy that He provided you with the people, the community you needed in your own time of struggle. This was a beautiful post, Julie!
Julie Lefebure says
March 13, 2017 at 12:21 pmAmen, Mandy. We do have a choice. Thank you for that reminder! May we also choose the leaning in to our Heavenly Father! So glad you shared here today. God bless you and your week!
nylse says
March 13, 2017 at 10:52 amI know I can’t go it alone and I’m grateful for the many communities I’m in. Thanks for this lovely reminder.
Julie Lefebure says
March 13, 2017 at 12:21 pmCommunity is a beautiful gift, isn’t it?! So glad you have many to stand with! Blessings to you.
Becky Hastings says
March 13, 2017 at 12:59 pmThank you for sharing your story so vulnerably. I can relate to your self-reliance, and as an adult it is often served me well. But not when it comes to relationship. I can do community with my family, but learning to stretch beyond that has been difficult. It is such a great reminder that it is worth it to stretch beyond those comfort zones so we can walk through life with one another.
Julie Lefebure says
March 13, 2017 at 1:15 pmI relate to you well, Becky. It felt “safer” to be self-reliant, and only commune with my family. I might not have stretched out on my own, but that life-altering experience of losing my dad catapulted me into that community. Praying today for all of us who have struggled in this. God has us, and I’m so glad He does. Thanks for sharing here today! Blessings.
Becky Hastings says
March 20, 2017 at 2:58 pmAmen!
Mary Geisen says
March 13, 2017 at 10:29 pmThank for your words today, Julie! I do know this kind of grief and I also know the deep rooted importance of community. Both have been integral pieces of my journey these past few years. God has been at the center and has orchestrated the union of community with the heartache and has turned it into a blessing. I love the hope in your words!
Julie Lefebure says
March 18, 2017 at 10:13 amMary, I’m sorry we share this kind of grief. I’m thankful for God’s provision of community to help us through and to keep our eyes centered on Him. Bless you, friend! Thanks for being a sweet part of my online community!
mareedee2016 says
March 14, 2017 at 10:29 pmJulie — I am so sorry for your loss and so grateful you had a community to go through it with you. It does bring you closer.
I do have had a remarkable community to walk with me through some very difficult years when my children were diagnosed with mental illness. We lived many of those years moment to moment.
Strange thing is life got more routine and manageable which is a blessing however I still need community. Somehow I have let some of that slip through the cracks as I started writing. We still need community in the easy days too.
Learning to accept and ask for help was the best thing I ever did. Now I need to learn to ask for it when I am not desperate.
Thank you for your post.
Blessings,
Maree
Julie Lefebure says
March 18, 2017 at 10:15 amYou’re so right! “We still need community in the easy days too.” Absolutely. Thanks for that reminder for me today. You’ve inspired me to reach out with your words. Blessings to you!