[pinit count=”horizontal”]I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13 (KJV)
Barely making it home before the tears hit, I was grateful for the peace of my closet. In a small house, sometimes that’s the only place to really have a good cry. And cry I did. I cried and prayed and poured everything out to God.
It was only 8:30am, but already that morning, I’d had time to wonder if Psalm 27:13 might not be my life verse? I’d said it so many times over the last few days and weeks, but that morning it was the only thing keeping me going.
Over and over I repeated David’s words. Things looked terrible yet I hoped one day it would be better.
___________________________
In a string of difficult years, this year has been one of the most challenging. And it’s led me to wonder, many times, is it possible to keep God-sized dreaming when we’re in the valley?
I’ve watched God take my struggles and turn them around. Not take them away always, but use them for good. I’ve seen Him use the lowest points in my life as the groundwork for my God-sized dreams. (<==== Click to tweet) And I say that from the battlefield. Not cleaned up, post-victory.
Since I was divorced 12 years ago, mothering has become a challenge beyond what I can put into words. Divorce adds a huge wrench into a family dynamic, which gets further compounded by non-communication.
As a direct result of these mothering challenges, I turned to prayer. Five years ago, I began to make prayer a priority because I was desperate for change in my family – but little did I know the change it would bring to me.
Never did I realize over the years how my God-sized dream would evolve into something involving prayer.
For the past three years, I’ve been praying with a Moms in Prayer group on Sundays at my church. For the first year, I’d have stomach pains from the time I woke up on Sunday morning, I’d be so worried about praying out loud. This fall, I’ll be leading a group. Only God could take a binding fear, deliver us, and turn it into a place of victory. (<==== Click to tweet)
______________________
That morning in my closet, I poured it all out to God, and suddenly felt a lifting of my sorrow. It wasn’t gone entirely, but it was as if the heaviness was off. The burden had been released. It was then I felt these words in my spirit, “Go clean your closet.”
Now, if you know me at all, you know this was not me thinking up these words. I have more of a “clean your closet only when the door no longer shuts” mentality. And maybe not even then.
However, I was so grateful to be released from that terrible sadness I actually got to work cleaning my closet!
I pulled out lots of random things – and one was the swag bag from Allume 2013. I’d taken out what I could use immediately upon returning, then set it in my closet only to have piles grow on top of it. I opened the bag, and out came an item. The tag read, You Are Loved. Then I saw the reason I needed to clean my closet. The tag was attached to a plaque that said:
Hope waits
Psalm 27:13
Shared by: Christine Wright
Oh Christine! Tears are running down my face as I read this. How I love God and the intimate ways He communicates with us and shows us that He loves us. Not a big, overall, “I’m God and I love everyone” (although He does), but with personal little love notes from “Daddy to daughter.” He truly does speak to those who are listening for His voice, especially in the depth of pain and sorrow. And I confess, I’m laughing a little too because this “I’d taken out what I could use immediately upon returning, then set it in my closet only to have piles grow on top of it.” – so, so me!! The biggest frustration I’ve had moving into a very small apartment after living in a house for 28 years is that there’s nowhere to hide stuff. Everything must be put away and found a home. Perhaps that’s why He moved me here – to deal with the hidden. I’ve been so blessed reading about your journey these past few years. So glad you allow Him to move you beyond places of fear to encourage us all.
It is just amazing how He speaks to us, isn’t it? Sometimes in such quiet ways, then sometimes in a literal sign with the verse you can’t stop repeating! 🙂
Oh how I love this verse, and the one following… “Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart, and wait for the LORD” (Ps. 27:14). These verses have seen me through some very difficult times. They do give us confident hope in the One who is always working on our behalf. Thanks, Christine, for sharing your heart.
Oh, I LOVE the verse you referenced!! So perfect! Thank you.
I had goose bumps as I read this!! LOVE how God makes a point to tell us He sees and loves us. Amazing love.
Yes!! That’s what I most love in those moments – that I know He sees. *Sigh*
I am deep, deep, deep, in the battlefield and my strength is gone and my hope all but faded away.
Thank you for this, sister. Thank you.
I am praying for you, Kate. I’ve noticed those times come just before a big break though of some sort. Praying that for you now…
Christine, I had a similar thing happen with swag from a past conference…a few months ago, I was upset, feeling like nothing would change, and losing hope. I sat in my bedroom next to my overloaded bookshelf. As I reached for a book, I pulled out a card that said, “There’s always hope.” And like you, I felt that lift that only God can bring. I remembered that I hadn’t known what to do with the card when I received it, but couldn’t quite part with it, so it sat, tucked between books…until God knew I needed the message. His way. His perfect timing!
Oh, Laura! I love that story! God’s timing is just perfect! (And how nice that your surprise didn’t even require any closet cleaning! ha!)
I love that God doesn’t know the meaning of the word coincidence. To Him, it is His plan that we discover His gifts at the right moment!
Hey Sarah!! You’re right! There are NO coincidences with God! (Looking so forward to sharing your words here, btw!!)
Really? REALLY? This, and your words along with Gindi’s have been my anchor the past few days. I thought I’d be dehydrated from all the tears I’ve cried, but…but God, and this reminder-Hope Waits.
I love that you allow yourself to be used, even despite the deepest hurts.
To God be the Glory, even through our wilderness wanderings.
Bless you, girl,
Chelle
My wilderness sister, I KNOW you get this. Love you.
Christine,
What beautiful hope you share here. ❤️ Hope waits. But not only that… Hope shares. Hope dreams. Hope loves. Your hope touches in all these ways.
God is good to bring you to a place of sharing now and this fall. His blessings to you.
Live Blessed,
Heather
Thank you, Heather. Hope waits, shares, dreams, and loves! Beautiful.
I love how personal our Lord and Savior is with each of us . Bless His Holy Name!
Amen!
Alway, always…..He uses you words sweet friend. Such a timely post. So thankful for you, your words and sharing the struggles that remind me to press on. Love you
Keeping going, Kimberly. It’s not easy, but I just read you never know where your break may be, so don’t stop – you may be stopping just before you get to it. Love you!