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We put our house on the market about a month ago. After much prayer (and research) we knew it was time to begin a new chapter. We hadn’t planned to move, but having a child with special needs means plans often change. We’re moving to ensure our son gets the best education possible.
While our decision to move was based primarily on Jackson’s educational needs, I’m excited to see what God has in store for us as we pack up our home and move to my favorite college town.
As a mother, I want Jackson to find his place at his new school. I want him to thrive and become all God created him to be. I want him to make friends who see past his challenges to the amazing boy he is. And as I pray about the dreams I have for my son, I realize I have similar ones.
I want to find my place in a new community, too.
The truth is, finding and being part of a community isn’t easy for me.
Sure, I’m part of several Facebook groups and feel pretty connected online; but the real-life stuff leaves me full of insecurity and feeling pretty alone.
I’ve never been the girl surrounded by a big church family or lots of friends. I see other people who have community and I wonder why I don’t. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life.
God, is something wrong with me?
I’m pretty sure I’ve asked Him that question a thousand times.
The other day during my prayer time I poured my heart out to God.
Lord, why does it seem like I’m without community? Why do I not have more “close” friendships?
There were tears and transparency and tender moments between a Father and daughter.
In the moments after I uttered that vulnerable prayer, the Holy Spirit impressed answers upon my heart.
I opened my journal and wrote as quickly as I could.
It’s because you depend on people instead of me. You seek from them only what I can give – true love, acceptance and worth. You would exchange an intimate relationship with me for more people who will never meet your greatest needs. So I limit the number of people in your life because I’m a jealous God who wants a relationship with you.
Tears stained the pages of my journal as I sat with the reality of the words I had written.
I didn’t feel judgment or shame.
I felt an overwhelming amount of love.
There was nothing wrong with me.
I felt wanted.
I felt known.
That day during my prayer time, God reminded me that my small community isn’t insignificant.
When I struggle with insecurities about my place within a community or the number of close friends I have, Jesus always brings my heart back to what friendship looked like for him.
He had twelve disciples, but only three were considered his really good friends.
Only three.
In Matthew 17:1 it says, After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John, the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves.
And again in Mark 5:37, He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James.
That intimate moment with my Heavenly Father was a healing experience.
While I still yearn for community and struggle with insecurity at times, I’m reminded there’s nothing wrong with me, God is insanely jealous of my time and His idea of community isn’t always the same as mine.
As my family embarks on this new journey, I’ll trust God to bring just the right people into my life and into my son’s.
Shared By: Jennifer Jackson Linck
Patti says
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Thank you for this. I thank God for planting this thought in your heart. What fresh insight its given me. Every sermon or devotion about being part of a community left me feeling like I wasn’t doing something I should be. Like I’m lacking somehow. Your story resonates with my heart. You’ve articulated that which sounds foreign to the Christian community. More so these days it seems, with all the small groups being the norm.
Don’t get me wrong…I believe in corporate Worship time and serving. But the times I’ve tried to plant myself in groups was difficult. I’m an acceptance seeking, people pleasing addict. It’s a long story…so…thanks again for sharing yours. Prayers for you and your family as you settle in.
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Jennifer Jackson Linck says
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Thank you so much for your kind words Patti. I am so glad my words touched your heart today. I was pretty nervous putting them out there, but God is always faithful! He will use our weaknesses if we will let him.
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Leanne says
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Hi Jennifer. Loved reading your post. The Lord has often spoken to my heart about my desires for ‘closer’ life giving relationships. So many times female relationships seem to be fractured by misunderstandings and jealousy instead of cheering each other on. And discussions on being in community do, as Patti said, leave you feeling like you’re not doing something you should be. There seems to be this huge divide between our beautiful intimate community with God (where he is the God who sees and knows us fully) and the striving for ‘community’ amongst fellow believers. Or is that just the seasons we move through and the way it is this side of heaven? Any thoughts? Thanks 🙂
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Michele Morin says
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Jennifer, this is so beautiful, and a piercing reminder to me that God desires my time, my fellowship, my focused attention in His direction. And what a privilege it is to be in relationship with Him.
And — I love the image you shared. It just radiates “community!”
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Jennifer Jackson Linck says
March 29, 2017 at 5:33 pmDeprecated: Function get_magic_quotes_gpc() is deprecated in /home/godsized/public_html/wp-includes/formatting.php on line 4826
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Thank you, Michele! I am blessed to have the girls in the photo as my community!
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Joanne Viola (@JViola79) says
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Jennifer, this is beautiful, and a powerful reminder that a community of two is all we need when it is He & us. May God be with you and lead you to the perfect home for you and your family!
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Jennifer Jackson Linck says
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Thank you, Joanne!
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Kristin Hill Taylor says
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Thanks for sharing this part of your story. Community is hard and unexpected something, but God does always show up because He’s always with us. I’m STILL looking forward to the day we get to hang out in real life, friend. Prayers for you and your sweet family as you settle into a new home. Love you!
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Jennifer Jackson Linck says
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Yes, I’m looking forward to that day, too! It will happen! I just know it! Thank you for your prayers and friendship. I am so thankful for them both. Love ya!
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Jamie S. Harper says
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Jennifer,
I just love you! I identify with this in every aspect. The Lord has revealed this same truth to me every time I ask. My prayer? That I may be healed of loving people more than I ought. I feel like I have wasted a lifetime with this and yet I honestly do not know that I will see healing on this side of heaven. But, I was recently placed in a community situation. I was always the oddball, and somehow, minutely, I was given the priveledge of seeing a small way I was growing in Him in this area. I pray He gives you ways to see your growth in this area too. ❤
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Jennifer Jackson Linck says
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Jamie – thank you for always encouraging me! It’s comforting to know I’m not alone in the community struggle. I am so glad God has given you a community opportunity where you are growing more like Him. Thank you for your prayers!
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Gretchen Fleming says
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So good!! Thank you for being transparent and sharing His beautiful answer! Makes such sense and I am so grateful to learn something that helps because I can struggle with as well:) spot on!
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Gretchen Fleming says
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Happily shared on Facebook:)
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Jennifer Jackson Linck says
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Thank you so much for your kind words Gretchen and for sharing this post! I love how God is faithful when we are transparent.
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