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We’re all about dreaming here: Listening for God’s vision, taking first steps, living dreams out, and how to make it through the bumps in the road or the long waits on the way.
As we dream, there’s one more crucial piece: we need mentoring relationships. (<====Click to Tweet)
Before we get into this topic, I have an admission: I’m a movie junkie. I’m the one in the line on opening night for any movie with a decent metacritic.com score.
There’s a new movie coming out soon—“The Intern” with Robert DeNiro and Anne Hathaway. She’s a high-powered dreamer and founder of a big company in a big city. As part of their give-back-to-the-world company culture, she authorizes a “senior internship” program designed not for college or high school seniors, but seniors in life.
Enter DeNiro as the intern, who, according to the preview, brings a sense of class and experience to his slouchy shirt-untucked hipster coworkers. But the best part—and what matters for us as dreamers—is that he becomes a trusted mentor and friend to Hathaway, who finds she doesn’t have to be an island to succesfully achieve her dreams.
It’s a sweet premise. And a tough subject.
Why is forming mentoring relationships so hard?
- Seasoned people (50’s and over) wonder what they have to offer. I have a friend who has led women’s ministries, housed countless college kids and mentored them in life and through school, marriage and now parenting. And after all this time she still falls prey to our society’s youth-worshipping culture and wonders whether her experience is relevant to younger women these days.
- Young people (40’s and under) don’t know how to pursue mentoring. We are so wrapped up in the daily grind—getting the kids ready for school, the laundry done, the dog walked and the work deadlines fulfilled—that we barely have (make) time pursuing friendships with our age-peers, let alone women in a different season of life.
How can both groups bridge the gap and invite dream-mentoring relationships?
1. Realize we need each other.
Because we really do. Look at Paul and Timothy, or Elijah and Elisha in scripture. They needed each other—the more seasoned one to bring a sense of continued purpose and value as they share their wisdom and experiences, and the younger to gain confidence and feel the support of someone who’s trod the path before. The learning and experiencing goes both ways and we both have much to give one another.
2. Have realistic expectations.
Not every relationship is going to be a good fit for one, the other or even both people. Time, personalities, spiritual values, and temperament are all variables. In my search for mentors over the past 20 years, I’ve begun four different relationships and they’ve all had their own unique upsides and downsides.
My first mentor, originally my high school yearbook advisor, ignited and invested in my writing. Perhaps he might have been a mentor still, but his life ended in a tragic accident that took him far too young.
The next two were women, with similar ministry callings and hearts to serve—the first got disrupted when I adopted my two older girls. The second was just not a good personality fit. The one I have now, like DeNiro to Hathaway in The Intern, is an older man who is a fit like nothing I’ve had before. Part brother, part father, part advisor, friend, and coach, it’s such a gift to have someone who challenges and encourages me regularly!
3. Give it a try.
Strike up a conversation at church. Send a message to that ministry friend on Facebook—younger or older—let her know what you appreciate about her and see what happens. Ask a colleague for help on a project and see where the conversation leads. Notice a younger mom at the park where your older kids soccer game happens, and ask how life is going with her much-littler ones.
“I wonder if we’re not all a lot better for each other than we previously thought. . . .I wonder how many people are withholding the love they could provide because they secretly believe they have fatal flaws.” —Donald Miller, Scary Close
What might be a good first step for you to invite a mentoring relationship this week or this summer?
Shared By: Laurie Wallin
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Ashley Fields says
I love this! Mentoring is so needed and yet so hard sometimes. I am a mentor to someone who is a young mother, student, wife and blossoming ministry leader. We are at very different places in life in so many ways but yet so similar in others. I’m not married and I don’t have children plus I am seven years her senior but we are both introverts with similar thinking styles, we’d both much rather walk in the woods than shop and we are both intensely creative, just in different ways. It is sometimes hard to make the time to keep up with each other’s busy schedules but we figure it out. I think my mentor is my faculty advisor here at school although I need to discuss that with him as his schedule may not allow for the at least weekly motivation I will most certainly need. If not him, I’m not sure who. There really isn’t anyone else who is older than me to encourage me in my writing that I know of right now. Not anyone that will keep up with the motivation aspect of things, which I sorely need.
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Laurie Wallin says
That is so wonderful to hear, that you have been able to connect with this younger woman and encourage her like that. I hear what you’re saying about it being hard finding somebody to mentor us, especially when we are leaderd. Do find it hard to find someone who is enough ahead of what you’re doing? I know that’s been an issue for me. Praying right now that God would give you a clear next step in finding your own mentor. Doesn’t have to be someone who is older necessarily, but at least somebody who’s got more experience in what is tugging at your heart.
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Ashley Fields says
Thank you! I think my faculty advisor comes to mind simply because he is the only person I know that has ANY experience in this particular area. I will pray nonetheless though.
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Dawn says
This is just what Titus 2 calls us to but it is scary to step in to the relationship because the investing takes effort … Even though it is worth it. Great advice I once was given, “ask the Lord for those God-friends, He desires to mold you and be molded by you”….there is no risk on the investment because He is in each return.
Blessings,
Dawn
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Laurie Wallin says
Love that quote. And you are right, it feels like there’s a big risk, but it ends not being as much of a risk as we might think if we remember that every step we take grows us, honors God and help us be more of who he wants us to be.
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Nichole Hall (@MNicholeHall) says
I love this post! Mentoring is needed in so many areas of our lives. I have currently been looking for one in my church. I’m finally feeling like the good Lord has provided someone. It is so hard to find that “right” person who can teach you what you lack and guide you through the growth process. Thank you for this post.
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Laurie Wallin says
It’s interesting, Nichole, as I consider what you said about finding the right person, and think about my own journey to find that, it makes me wonder if every one of them—false starts and all—are the right person in some way in that season. They say experience is what we get when we don’t get what we want. Maybe the experience of trying with different people is a sort of mentoring for us in itself?
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Ann Holmes says
LOVE this, Laurie! Thanks!
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Wendy Speake Brunner says
This post is absolutely spot-on wonderful! I couldn’t agree more! Let’s make a date to go see this new movie and continue the conversation over a late night latte!
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Laurie Wallin says
Wendy, I would love that! I’ll message you and we can make plans.
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Diane W. Bailey says
Love you so much Laurie! You, my friend, are a wonderful Life Coach, mentor and friend.
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Laurie Wallin says
That brings such a smile to my face, dear friend. Thank you. (((Hugs)))
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