Feeling Lonely While Pursuing Your God-Sized Dreams?

March 26, 2018 By Elise Daly Parker 22 Comments

“Was just talking to God and I realize I get bored and lonely when not collaborating in some way. I have wonderful stuff I’m doing. I like my editing work. And I’m enjoying writing content for The Mom Mentor. So I’m thinking…do I just need to get over myself or is there something I’m missing that I’m made for? Just a minor question for a Tuesday…”

This was a text I sent to Kimberly Amici, one of the co-hosts on our Slices of Life podcast. I was relieved to hear that she also struggled with working alone. She had already been talking to another member of the Slices of Life team, Noelle Rhodes, about the same thing.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Sometimes, while pursuing my God-sized dreams, I feel lonely and alone in my work.” quote=”Sometimes, while pursuing my God-sized dreams, I feel lonely and alone in my work.”]

I think there are a number of reasons why this is so, some of which you just might identify with.

We live in a digital world – So while the Slices of Life podcast, for example, is collaborative because it’s at least three people having a conversation about real faith, real life, real community – we can do the work of taping over Skype. The upside is we can be in our own homes in sweats with no makeup on. The downside is we are not really in the company of one another. We do catch up a little, pray, tape, and chat for a few more minutes every time we tape, but there’s just no substitute for being in a room together.
Some of us just don’t like being alone so often – Most of my work as a writer and editor requires me to be quiet (obviously not the case when I’m life coaching). I’m also easily distracted. So I need to be by myself. I’m likely to get the most done most efficiently alone in my own home office. No music. No talking. Just me and my computer. But after days and days of that, I’ve got to get out. I’ve got to engage with other people. I am an extrovert and being alone can drain me after a while.
Isolation can lead to “stinkin’ thinkin’” – When I’m alone for too long, I can start to feel discouraged. Is this really what I’m called to? My imagination can get the best of me. Comparison can creep in. In my boredom, I can start to look for ways to fill my loneliness – like eating things that aren’t good for me but feel like comfort, or going off on a social media bender for an hour…anybody?
We can feel like we’re in a vacuum – I’m an idea person, many dreamers are! We just can’t help ourselves. An entrepreneurial spirit is often part of the makeup of a God-sized dreamer. So we have ideas…All. The. Time. And by talking to others we can figure out if the idea might be worth pursuing. We process verbally. Sometimes writing can help, but sometimes we just need to share ideas with an understanding or like-minded friend out loud.

[clickToTweet tweet=”So what’s the solution for a God-sized dreamer who needs to be alone to pursue her dream, but craves the company in collaboration? ” quote=”So what’s the solution for a God-sized dreamer who needs to be alone to pursue her dream, but craves the company in collaboration?”]

Here are a few ideas:

Meet regularly with a friend or two – Since Kimberly and Noelle were feeling similarly, the three of us are going to meet together in one of our homes on a regular basis. We’ll be intentional about our time with an agenda that includes collaborative talk time, a lunch break, independent work with headphones on, then we’ll end our time together with a little additional sharing.
Consider a Meetup – You can join a Meetup group, start your own through Meetup, or gather a like-minded group regularly on your own, much like a book group. What’s Meetup? According to their About, “Getting together with real people in real life makes powerful things happen. Side hustles become careers, ideas become movements, and chance encounters become lifelong connections. Meetup brings people together to create thriving communities.” Groups of people are getting together to share writing, cooking, decluttering, and so much more through Meetup all over the world.
Try Coworking – Yes…it’s a real thing. Ideal for small businesses, entrepreneurs, and freelancers, these are flexible shared office spaces. There are at least two spaces I know of right in my own town. You can agree to meet with friends a few times a week. You can buy a Day Pass, Monthly Pass, even a Monthly Dedicated Desk that allows you to use this space with a desk reserved just for you every day if you wish.

As Holley Gerth says in You Were Made for a God-Sized Dream, “Sometimes we feel alone not because we need to be with others but because God wants to be with us…Sometimes the feeling that we are alone is actually an invitation to stop and recognize his presence with us.”

You’ll definitely want to discern the difference between when you’re called to be alone so God can meet you in the quiet…and when you’re feeling lonely and need to connect with others.

When you need to step out and be with others…go ahead and find a way to do it. I’m cheering you on!

Shared by Elise Daly Parker

An InLinkz Link-up

5 Practical Secrets to Realizing Your God-Sized Dreams

July 19, 2017 By Elise Daly Parker 6 Comments

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Does the word “practical” sound weird to you when talking about dreams? Like realizing your dreams shouldn’t be practical? I sometimes think my dreams have to be so lofty and a little bit wild in order to be dreams. Like if they seem attainable in some practical step-by-step sort of way, they’re not “dreamy” enough.

Well, I’m here to tell you. Yes, God can make any dream come true…even the craziest, way-beyond-me-est, most impractical dreams. But a lot of times, [clickToTweet tweet=”There are down-to-earth steps to fulfill our dreams-that doesn’t make them less #Godsized. @EliseDalyParker” quote=”there are some very down-to-earth steps we can take to fulfill our dreams. And that doesn’t make them any less God-sized. “]

God plants dreams in our hearts, often in the way He’s made us from the beginning, even before we were knit together in our mother’s womb. And He puts us in places, connects us to people, and opens God-sized doors and windows of opportunity that develop our dreams. He is an amazing orchestrator when it comes to our dreams.

But we are absolutely positively invited to participate! God is a God of order and intention. Just look at Genesis to see how He step-by-step created the world. He had a plan for each day. He has made us in His image.

And this brings me to the first of 5 Practical Secrets to Realizing Your God-Sized Dream…

1.Define Your Dream – No vague, lofty ideas invited here. Who are you? What do you want? What is your dream? Really…Do you want to write and publish a book? What is the book about? Do you know about the process of writing and publishing? Know your options? Or, do you dream of running a successful coaching business (yes!)? How are you qualified? Who will you serve? What are you uniquely gifted to offer people as a coach?

Coaching Challenge – Don’t leave your dream hanging “out there.” Define it concretely!

2. Set SMART Goals – Okay, so now that you’ve defined your dream, how will you move toward the fulfillment of your dream? You’ve got to set goals, so you can move forward and track your progress, which is very motivating. SMART goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely.

Coaching Challenge – [clickToTweet tweet=”Set 5 SMART goals-#Specific #Measurable #Achievable #Realistic #Timely 2 help achieve your dream. @EliseDalyParker ” quote=”Set five SMART goals that will help you achieve your dreams. “]

3. Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail – You know, I’m a creative, dreamer type from way back. I love to “go with the flow.” And while that can make me at times easygoing, chill, whatever will be will be…it can also make me unproductive. Because if I don’t have a plan to reach my dreams, well how am I going to get there? One day will flow into the other. One minute on the Internet will flow into hours. And at the end of the day, week, month, year, I will have done little without a plan.

Coaching Challenge – What is your plan for achieving your goal? How many hours will you give your dream each week? Put this on your calendar…and if you’re not using a calendar, start now.

4. Focus on Your Dream Tasks – Oh there are so many things vying for our attention, turning our thoughts right and left, bunny trails that take us far off our road of intention. What will you do to remain focused despite all the distraction and noise in the world? Will you turn off the alerts on your computer that literally pump adrenaline through your system begging you to respond? Can you silence your phone and all the alarms for a designated period of time…maybe even move it to another room so you can concentrate?

Coaching Challenge – What tempts you away from focusing on your dream? Commit to removing the distractions you’ve identified.

5. Celebrate Your Progress – I used to be a certified birth instructor. After our class was complete and babies were born, we always had a reunion. My new-mom students often expressed their frustration about “not getting ANYTHING done.” I suggested, instead of writing a To Do list, they could write a Got Done list. I challenge you to do the same. Instead of lamenting about what you haven’t done, learn to appreciate your progress.

Coaching Challenge – When you take a step toward your dream, write it down. Track your progress and you’ll quickly see that each step adds up.

No matter how lofty your dream is, no matter how far out of reach fulfillment may seem, there is no substitute for hard work, determination, and perseverance. Do the next thing, and the next, and then the next and before you know it, you will have a dream come true.

Put these 5 Secrets into practice and share your Got Done list with me. I’d love to celebrate your progress!

Shared by Elise Daly Parker

A New Spirit

May 22, 2017 By Michelle Nehrig 6 Comments

We’ve all heard Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous words: I have a dream. The truth is, we all have dreams.

Some dream of being a fighter pilot, swerving and flying through the air, feeling their stomachs drop with each turn.

Some dream of being a courtroom lawyer, where heated debates occur, listening for the judge to rap the gavel and say, “Order in the court.”

Some dream of being a wife and mother. Creating their home as a safe haven, a place where their husband and children are loved and nurtured.

Still others dream of being a writer, sitting in front of the computer, hearing the keys make a click-clack sound while words are being eked out on the screen in front of them.

It doesn’t matter what our dream is — what matters is the dream-giver.

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Who places these deep-seated dreams within each of our hearts? God does.

God is our dream-giver and our dream-sustainer. He is our dream-nurturer and our dream-dweller.

Psalm 139:13 tells us we are knitted together by God. He created us with the dreams we have when we were formed in our mother’s wombs.

Wouldn’t He be who we turn to, then, when our dreams become wrought with self-doubt?

Wouldn’t God be Who we want to revive our dreams when they’ve become dusty?

Ezekiel 36:26 reads, “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender responsive heart.”

When we begin to doubt our dreams, we need the Lord to put a new spirit in us.

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In the next chapter, we find Ezekiel in the valley of dry bones. The Lord comes to him and asks if the dry bones can become living again. Ezekiel, wise priest that he is, says, “Lord, only you know the answer to that.”

From this point, the Lord tells Ezekiel to speak a prophetic word to the dry bones. Verses 4-6 read: Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

Ezekiel obeys the Lord’s command. As he does, he hears a rattling and sees the dry bones come together as skeletons. Then, muscles and flesh form over their bodies and skin covers them. Then, with another command from the Lord, they are filled with breath.

Isn’t this a glorious picture of the Lord breathing fresh life into dead or dying bones?

If He can do that with bones, what more could He do with our dreams?

When we are crushed with self-doubt, when we hear the enemy speak lies over our lives, when we feel our dreams are breaking apart — this is the time to turn to the only One who can breathe fresh life into them.

In Ezekiel 37:14a, The Lord says, “I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again.”

Perhaps, when we need a new spirit, the Lord has to lead us through the valley of dry bones so we can see He is the only One who can revive our dead or dying dreams.

Shared by: Michelle Nehrig

An InLinkz Link-up

Excuses, Excuses – How to Make This The Year Your God-Sized Dreams Will Come True

December 7, 2016 By Elise Daly Parker Leave a Comment

Chrome ID: 2774821 © Andrey Kiselev | Dreamstime Stock Photos

I went to bed too late. I just had to clean those dishes that were calling me from the sink. That ended up taking an hour, when I should’ve been asleep. “Oh well…I’m going to try to get up tomorrow morning for my exercise class anyway,” I murmur as I climb up the stairs to my warm and cozy bedroom.

I toss and turn all night. So much on my mind.

And you know how it is, once the thinking starts in the middle of the night, it builds. Ugh…another night of not enough shut eye. Just as I’m finally falling into a deep sleep, the alarm goes off. 5:50 a.m. I can’t do this. I need my sleep. I’ll just hit the snooze button. 10 minutes go by. I’ll just hit it again.

Okay, enough. No more excuses!

I climb out of bed. Groggy. Led-legged. Achy. I have multiple back issues – herniated discs and stenosis cause pain in my back and nerve pain down my legs. How can I possibly work out? Like The Little Engine That Could, “I think I can, I think I can…”

I’m a little cranky too. I push myself to struggle into my workout clothes in the dark. I don’t want to wake my man. He doesn’t have to get up quite so early. There might be a little envy there.

I head down to my favorite prayer chair. Switch on my First5app. I’ve managed to start my day with God by using this handy little app before responding to the seductive lure of social media.

Oh but wait, something just zinged and dinged. Maybe that needs my attention. It could be something important, something that just can’t wait.

I read my feed. It’s my sister sharing a morning God thought. It’s a good one. We start to chat. “Gotta go. I’ll miss my class if I don’t leave now.” My quiet God time will have to come later.

I’m not used to this cold weather. I hate wearing a coat. One more step to take before I get out the door way too early for my exercise class. Oh and shoot…I need my water bottle! Now I may end up missing the warm up. That’s no good. Should I skip it? Am I too tired? Too unprepared? Too…???

Just get out the door!

I obey myself. And thank God for seat warmers, which I thought were a little ridiculous before today. We’ve got a new used car with what I viewed as this silly unnecessary feature. However, the heat is slow and the seat warmer is fast!

I pull into the parking lot. Yep…I’m late. It’s embarrassing. My trainer will high-five me, even though I’m late. The class will glance my way and maybe wave as I hastily throw my coat, keys, etc., into a cubby. I have missed the critical seven-minute warm-up. I know I’ll pay for that with stiff limbs later.

I paste a smile on my face and get to it. Thanks Rihanna! You’re a little wild with your words, but you sure do get me moving!

Why am I crying?

The tears trickle. They are happy and triumphant. Today, again, against so many odds, so many distractions, so many interruptions, so much of my own negative stinkin’ thinkin’ I have made it to the gym. In less than an hour, I have accomplished one of the most important things I can do for myself. Get moving! It helps me physically, emotionally, psychologically.

This! This getting to an exercise class at 7 am is in itself is a dream come true. A miracle.

I’ve said I’d never be one of those people who could get up early…workout every day…go to a gym. I was wrong.

What excuses are you making? What are you saying to yourself regarding your dream?

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What excuses are you making? What lies are you believing? What are you saying to yourself regarding your dream?

No matter what your dream is – to be more fit, to have a balanced budget, write more, build your business, speak. No matter how large or how small…your dreams are worth the investment. You’re worth the investment.

So kick those excuses to the curb. Silence the naysayers in your head. And get to it today!

Take one small step toward your dream. I’m high-fiving you right now. I believe in you. You can do this.

This year I made my dream of getting more fit come true. I signed up for a challenge called Max Fit. It’s a program that offers nutritional guidance, 45-minute classes with top trainers, and motivational training. I’ve lost over 20 pounds and over 16 inches. And I’m not giving up on myself. I’m going to keep working out. Keep making healthier choices. Keep making my early morning workouts a priority. I want to do what I can to live a long life, get down on the floor to play with my grandchildren, hike and bike with my husband.

This is just one of my dreams. But it’s taught me that I can do it – “

With self-discipline, perseverance, and a heavy dose of prayer. I can do it. You can too!

Click To Tweet

Let’s make 2017 your year to make your dreams come true.

Shared by Elise Daly Parker

What Happens To A Dream Deferred

July 11, 2016 By Chelle Wilson 2 Comments

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For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him:
1 Samuel 27-28 (KJV)

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
by Langston Hughes

Emmett Till is ancient history, right? Surely they don’t lynch black boys in America anymore, at least not like they used to. In post-racial America, in the final year of the Obama Presidency, they let them believe they are proud, worthy, beautiful, and free. And then they kill them.

In all the years since the senseless murder of Trayvon Martin, I continue to endure numerous painful conversations with people who love the Lord AND who love me, but insist upon believing that things are not the way they are. People with every good intention need to believe that #BlackLivesMatter is more charged and divisive than relevant, that racism is no longer dangerous, is no longer omnipresent in our lives, that everything in America is okay. Everything is certainly NOT okay.

One year ago writing at TheGuardian.com, Rebecca Carroll declared,

Walter Scott’s death – and Trayvon’s, Michael’s, Tamir’s and Eric’s, all of whom became so familiar to us in death that we refer to them by first name only – is the end of the promise of America. It’s the decay of whatever moral infrastructure we have left as a nation; it’s confirmation of the ugly truth that a nation, conceived in slavery and once dedicated to the proposition that not all men are created equal, will allow that divide to long endure.

Among my dear friends are Christian women, mothers to young and not-so-young Black men. In the wake of such madness, one lamented on social media, “#‎OurExterminationContinues.”

From another, this…

I don’t need a brutal video, picture, reporter or sympathizer to *finally* verify what I’ve known to be true my whole life. What I need – what WE need is far-reaching, purposeful systemic reforms and continuous, consistent JUSTICE. Where can I see *that* on video??? #‎TooManyNamesToHashtag #‎BlackLivesAlwaysMatteredToMe

#TooManyNamesToHashtag…she’s right, and I’m left wiping my tears and shaking my head. We thought that greater oversight would elevate the need for change. We thought that policemen with body cameras might add accountability, but just last week we watched Philando Castile die of a gunshot wound on Facebook Live.

Dear God, we need You. When will this madness end?

Click To Tweet

I hear choked sobs and the bitter words of my friends, Black mothers of sons who like me love God and Justice, nurtured on the same American dream we were all sold like a Bill of Goods, or a Lot of Slaves (yeah, it hurts like that). Too many names to call out, as our ancestors taught us, keeping them alive as we remember them by name. We call out the names of those beloved and fallen, known and unknown to us, experiencing a searing new hurt representing a centuries-old pain.

I ask God daily, “How long, oh Lord, how long?”

I have NOT lost my faith but my spirit grows ever weary. It’s no longer safe to dream that education, access, affluence, or exposure will be enough to see African-American young men out of the toddler phase and into the grandfathering years and beyond…cradle to grave like we imagined.

Like Hannah in 1 Samuel, we prayed, and God granted our petitions in the form of sons to raise and love. We played by the rules, stumbling but ever intending to do our best and then this…it’s not safe to raise a Black Boy in America.

Harder still is struggling to make even Christian friends understand our pain; bridging chasms borne of privilege, guilt, and shame that tell them ignoring or denying race makes it better, or at least more comfortable. I inquire earnestly of those friends, “more comfortable for whom?” What needs erasing is Racism, not race. I do not diminish me so you can feel better; in making your peace you cause me greater pain.

Colorblind means you choose NOT to see me – Made in the unique and precise image of an All Wise and All Powerful God, I deserve to be seen.

Click To Tweet

My whole life matters; all of it.

At three, our daughter announced the birth of her baby brother to our tribe and to the world. At sixteen she wept silently beside his bed watching him sleep in heavenly peace on the night the world heard the jury verdict in the murder of Trayvon Martin. It’s not just a mother’s grieving. These are the collected terrors and tears of multiple generations.

All Lives Matter, as they always have. HOWEVER, and I won’t let this go, I’m not regularly clutching my heart and my head because law enforcement officers (who are NOT a horrible, racist monolith and among whom I count dear family and friends) are killing All boys at an alarming rate. I live in a constant state of unease because Black men (and women, young and old) are beaten, assaulted, and murdered by policemen at an unprecedented rate. #HandsUpDontShoot is a catchphrase in our home for taking it down a notch, but it’s a real thing AND I don’t think it’s a real thing in white homes. Have you ever begun a sentence to a loved one with the words “If I die in police custody…”

I say to my son, “I am afraid for your life.” It is at those times when I cry out to God.

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In Black homes, regardless of region and socio-economics occur several iterations of “The Talk” (ask ANY black parent and they’ll knowingly smile and nod). To do anything less would be irresponsible parenting given the current state of affairs.

Saying something matters does not mean anything at all about anything else.

I do not believe in zero sum reckoning. Nothing is ever wasted in God’s economy, so it is never either/or. Some things, actually many things ARE NOT connected. If I say I’m good, I’m not saying anything at all about whether you or anyone else is good or not and therein lies part of our (Black folks, Black women’s) frustration. It’s not about you (meaning anyone except the Black Girls, or the Black Lives). It can become frustrating when it feels as though someone is consistently co-opting your position, like you can’t have a perspective without considering everyone else.

The deepest part of me immediately reacts by saying, “This ain’t about you, in fact this has nothing to do with you.” But that is incorrect. As Christians, brothers and sisters in Christ, it has everything to do with us all. Quoting Russell Moore, President of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention,

If we believe that every person will stand before a Judgment Seat, we cannot then stand silently when we see injustice.

Does that make any sense? For me, it’s kind of like everyone needing to get a trophy so no one’s feelings get hurt. Yes, All Lives Matter. But is that really what you want to say to Trayvon Martin’s parents, to Tamir Rice’s parents (he was 12), to Eric Garner’s wife and family, to the family of Michael Brown, of Walter Scott, of Freddie Gray, of Alton Sterling, and now to Philando Castile. If you’re choking me, guess what, everyone needs to breathe, but I’m the only one about to pass out.

Beyond outrage, what is to be done?

We must actively seek God, and one another.
We must undertake the hard conversations.
We need to listen, not to respond. Frankly, I have NO frame of reference for white privilege, but if my intention is to understand, and then to act, I must listen and learn, as must you, in order to move beyond our own anger and disappointment.
I must be patient and open to receive as I expect patient understanding from those with whom I dialogue.
My anger, both righteous and justified, is not enough. And praise God, I am not alone.

Writer, mother and friend Lori Harris recent gave voice to a collective frustration existing among members of the Body of Christ. In a Facebook post, she says in part,

Until the {white} Church in America chooses to acknowledge its hand in heaping judgment or prejudice on our black neighbors who already carry on their backs a thousand reasons why our country deems their plight in this life as justified or even deserved, we will continue to deny the very existence of Jesus who made us guiltless while we were yet guilty of every imaginable sin.
May Jesus have mercy on us.

It’s not safe to be a black boy in America. It’s not safe to be a Black Man. But if we want to change the world, and I do, it’s time. My dreams can no longer be deferred.

Shared by: Chelle Wilson

Dream Chasing And Motherhood

May 25, 2016 By Alecia Simersky 19 Comments

Are you a mom who has dreams but very little time to work on them? Me too.

I carve out space here and there, wondering if the day will ever come when I will have more time.

I know someday I will miss the dirty socks thrown across the living room floor and the dishes piled high threatening to crash to the ground below because of the massive pile up…HaHa. Yeah, right!

I know my days are numbered when I will no longer sit through little league baseball games, the junior high dramas, and the nights of ensuring all the homework gets done.

My littles are not so little anymore. The eldest is fifteen and the youngest is eleven.

Time is slipping away; and it feels as if my dreams are too.

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I’d love to write to you now that I have it all figured out.

I’d love to tell you that I keep all the balls in the air and don’t even coming close to dropping one.

I’d love to write that my dreams are progressing and my family life is amazing.

But I can’t.

But do you know what I can write?

That along the way I have realized that my family is more important than any dream I could chase.

Remembering the time I have with them makes me shut my laptop, put down my phone, and focus on who is right in front of me.

I used to drive myself crazy thinking I had to be everywhere at one time. I needed to network and post “X” times a week on my blog. I needed to have something scheduled every day of the week on social media.

And then I realized I had it all wrong.

I didn’t need to do any of those things to be seen or known. God knows my dreams and my name. And when the time is right HE will open the doors…or not. Either way, I will choose to see the blessings and not ignore the little ones He has entrusted to my care.

For me, balance is knowing when to say “yes” and when to say “no” and trusting God when I feel like I’m moving two steps back, not forward.

Balance is trusting that the dreams, even though they may take longer than I hoped, will come true.

I could easily spend all my time online. I love meeting new people. I love reading other people’s words and sharing them with others, and I love writing. I could become obsessed with the validation I get from being online…because we all know as a mom you get very little!

I want my kids to see me working hard toward my goals, but even more than that, I want them to see me being present in their everyday lives.

And if that means I work a little here and a little there, and my pace takes on that of the tortoise and not the hare, then I’m okay with that.

Balance is trusting God’s timeline and not mine.

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So, yeah, I can’t write that I have motherhood and dream chasing all figured out and down to a T, but I can say that I don’t worry about it any more.

“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.” (Source Unknown)

Shared by: Alecia Simersky