The lie of shame.  Shame drives us into a never-ending cycle of trying to fix ourselves, to prove to the world and ourselves that we are not inherently flawed, that we have value.

The lie of not enough. Every day the Enemy lies to people, to tell you you’re not good enough, trying to distract them from their calling. 

The lie of unworthiness.  When we live life feeling unworthy, we wonder if we will ever be enough – smart enough, creative enough, thin enough, rich enough, spiritual enough. We stay stuck in cycles of busyness trying to please others to gain assurance and acceptance. 

What a powerful way to end our God-sized Dreams spring book club studying Alli Worthington’s Breaking Busy.  Today we tackle Chapter 9 on Communication and Chapter 10 on Worth (excerpted in part above).  This book closed on an important note for all of us dreamers who are spinning like tops trying to prove ourselves or make everyone happy.

And a great way to kick off that conversation is with Chapter 9 on communication.  Understanding how (and why) we and others communicate can help us in eliminating the unnecessary busy in our lives.  How?  Think of time you waste on needless, idle conversations, or how much energy gets expended with people not understanding what you or others mean when you’re trying to communicate a message.

Alli offers great tips in chapter nine for both undercommunicators and overcommunicators as well as help identifying which you are if it’s not obvious to you.  “It’s crazy to think that something as simple as communicating better can help us break busy and find our voice in a world of noise, but it can and it does. Taking control of the multitude ways you can communicate with others can literally give you hours back in your day.”  p. 192, Chapter 9

Then, Breaking Busy powerfully closes with a chapter on worth, and how it can be the most critical element in eliminating the busy because it fuels our busy for the wrong reasons.

It is God that keeps us grounded and aware of who we are and why we are here.  It is our faith that has to fuel our actions not our sense of shame or worthlessness.

Keeping us busy trying to prove our worth is the easiest way to keep us from the life God created us to live because it makes us think that our worth is based on what we do, instead of who God is.  p. 197, Chapter 10

Go back. Reread that.

Someone needed to hear that alone today.  Sweet dreamer: your worth is rooted in who God is and how He sees you and who He says you are.  And it is good and beautiful and worthy and forgiven and loved and treasured.

Your worth is not based on what you DO.

Being rooted and grounded in His love and His message over us (and for our lives – our dreams!) is the ultimate antidote for the needless busy in our lives.  What better way to close than with Alli’s own closing words:

The best things in your life? They are not of your own doing. They are not because of who you are or what you accomplish, but because of who God is and what he has already accomplished. 

Friends, it’s been such a treat to walk through this book club with you.  I’d love to hear what you learned and how it’s changing how you make decisions and schedule your life.

Welcome to our fourth installment of our Spring Book Club studying Alli Worthington’s Breaking Busy.

I hope you are enjoying it – I’d love to hear what you’re applying to your life and dreams after getting several chapters in.  Today, we’re covering Chapters 5 (Thoughts) and 6 (Traditions).

In Chapter 5, Alli asks us what are we focusing on?  Our fears and our flaws all too often.  If that’s where our thoughts are, then that drives us to “be and do” more which creates a vicious “hamster wheel” of busy.

I don’t know if this hit you like it did me, but I love control and that can fuel all sorts of fear and worry.

“My worries were born out of my need to be in control, my desire to know what was next in my life, and a lack of gratitude for the grace he had already given me… Worry is different than anxiety. Anxiety is a deep sense of doom rooted in a fear that is often a lie from the Enemy. Anxiety cripples us and leaves us feeling incapable of escaping our situation. Worry, on the other hand, is our attempt to control the future.”

We have to cut out the worry stopping us from doing what God is calling us to do (and not to do).

So what to do?

Alli’s tips are to: abide in Christ (His voice is far kinder than our own), stay mindful, surround yourself with positive friends (their positive energy is contagious and can counteract a negative cycle), and focus on the discipline of gratitude (there’s a ton of research that proves this grateful daily mindset does wonders for your thoughts and your success as well!).

We live in a world of expectations.  None more so than when it comes to traditions – whether that’s a Thanksgiving meal or a preschoolers birthday party.  I know.  I’ve lived, and failed, my share of traditions.  Traditions need to add to our lives and not just pile on the busy stressors.  As Chapter 6 says, “traditions done for the wrong reasons shackle us to unrealistic expectations and a whole lot of unnecessary busy work.”

Alli shares some wonderful tips for managing “traditions:” Drop (or don’t pick up) the traditions you don’t enjoy; look for a win-win solution (think carpools, swapping holidays, and the team approach for holidays); and give yourself permission to disappoint (you can’t always find a win-win!).

As always, Alli has short videos for Chapter 5 and 6 which give her insight on the chapter up close and personal.

So sound off.  What do you do to short-circuit those damaging thoughts your inner voice can start up with?  And what do you do about traditions and the ever increasing pressure of Pinterest and Instagram?

Share here or on Facebook and read Chapters 7 and 8 in preparation for next week’s installment.

Welcome to God-sized Dreams Spring Book Club of Breaking Busy by Alli Worthington.  If you haven’t gotten the book yet, it’s not too late.  We’re just covering Chapters 1 and 2 today.

I don’t know about you, but I love that the book started with an entirely relatable first chapter about capacity.  While I’ve never had a ringing bra, I definitely have had early morning flights with fuzzy thinking and lost car chargers and missing papers because I’ve pushed too far for too long.

Capacity. 

Most of the time, I can’t envision what capacity is because I’m so far over it.  Alli quotes to a study on p.21 which found women, especially those ages 30 to 60, reported being busier than men and were sacrificing sleep, recreation, hobbies, friends, and families!  Yikes.

Because of the seasons in our lives (think care for kids, parents, or spouse, a new work assignment, a relocation, illness, etc.) we have to recognize we can’t always function at the same capacity.  Alli helps us identify when we may be firing well over capacity.  Some of the warning signs include:

• The inability to control your emotion: Have you ever snapped or burst into tears when the circumstances didn’t warrant it?  I’ve nearly fallen apart at a pass the ketchup simply because I couldn’t do one more thing.
• Lack of self care: Even those of us that know how to eat right and get enough rest can find all that slipping away when we’re munching on a bag of chips at midnight to meet that deadline.  We’ve got to take care of ourselves so we can continue to function effectively.
• Self medicating/excess: Boy did this one hit close to home.  In the busiest and most stressful of seasons, I reach for a cupcake or glass of wine instead of identifying the cause of my stress and restructuring.  This is dangerous if you don’t reset before it becomes unhealthy or an addiction.

Alli offers great tips on how to identify what’s going on and recognize our limits.  One of the best tips is to take the time to identify why you are exceeding your capacity: In addition to pride, any number of things can cause us to exceed our capacity. We might be too focused on getting ahead. We might be operating outside our area of giftedness. We might be making bad decisions built on guilt or people pleasing. Stepping back to evaluate why we are doing what we are doing gives us insights into whether or not we need to keep doing them.

Then, wow, what a powerful reminder Chapter 2 on relationships was for me!  How about you?  We DO have to focus on the most important relationships in our life and they all too often get left in the dust when we’re too busy in our lives.

If we are going to start breaking busy, we start with focusing in on the relationships that fill our soul.

First we have to check where our relationship is with God.  He’s waiting for us to set aside the time in the middle of “busy” to find Him.

Next, oh for you married friends, it’s finding time for your man.  Alli shares what so deeply resonated in my own life: From lost babies to lost hopes to lost dreams – the shared struggles are what brought us together so deeply. What I’ve learned is that a great marriage isn’t made of moments you see in the movies. Marriages are made in the moments of weakness, humility, and instability.

Can I get an Amen?

And last but certainly not least, we HAVE to find time for our friends. After spending this past weekend with two of my fellow God-sized Dreamer writers and a college roommate, I can tell you that is medicine for breaking busy like none other I can find.  Friends “pour life into me instead of draining it out.” All too often we let our friendships fade into the background as we try to juggle all the busyness that assails us.  We MUST find time for our girlfriends.

Alli’s been leading a book club study over at Propel Women, where she’s the Executive Director, and there are some wonderful videos from her on Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 which will definitely add to your enjoyment of these chapters.

So sound off.

How do you know when you’re over capacity?  What do you do to bring things back into a manageable state?

And what about your relationships?  How do you keep them a priority when the busy ramps up?  I’d love to hear what you’re learning as we study Breaking Busy together.

*Congratulations to Amber Baake who won the free copy of Breaking Busy!