I have a confession to make.
It was really hard to write this post.
I had months to write it; but life has been busy and writing hasn’t been a priority.
I had to pray for the words and motivation to get it done on deadline.
You see, God’s been shifting my dreams.
My focus is no longer on platforms and blog posts, but the little boy standing right in front of me.
God has been shifting my dreams to be more in line with His dreams for me.
It seems ironic that it’s taken five years for me to realize what really matters.
I’ve wrestled with finding a balance between writing and motherhood since the day Jackson was born.
I felt like motherhood wasn’t enough – that I had to be more and do more – to truly make a mark for the Kingdom.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe writing is a gift God’s entrusted to me.
God made me a writer.
I believe it’s part of my calling.
He made me a lover of words and it’s a gift I love to use,
Motherhood is a high calling.
Being Jackson’s mama matters more than how many followers I have on social media.
In three days my son will start kindergarten. As I reflect on the past five years, I realize I wasted a lot of time trying to build a platform when I should have been building up his little heart.
I can’t help but wonder if maybe I missed some really great moments because I was so focused on being a writer.
When motherhood gets messy, it’s easy to turn to social media for a pick me up.
And motherhood is messy.
It doesn’t always feel like a calling when you’re juggling therapy appointments, making peanut butter and jelly and praying for patience.
It doesn’t always feel like a calling when your friends are getting book deals or their small businesses are booming.
It doesn’t always feel like a calling when God has asked you to put the dreams of your heart on hold.
It’s taken five years for my dreams to shift; to trust my Savior with the ones that aren’t meant for this season.
And that’s the thing; every season has it’s own set of dreams.
It doesn’t mean the dreams in our heart have to die.
God sees them there and will allow them to flourish in His perfect time.
In my current season, carpooling and playing intense games of Hungry, Hungry Hippo are enough.
I don’t feel a crazy amount of pressure to produce blog posts and I rarely think about building a platform.
Trusting God with my dreams has brought about freedom.
This season – motherhood – is what I prayed and longed for for so many years.
It was a huge God-Sized dream that I wasn’t sure would happen for me.
There was infertility; followed by a crazy adoption journey.
There was a baby boy placed in my arms.
There was a lot of faith, prayers, tears and obedience on my journey to become a mother.
It was a dream God made come true in a way only He could.
Motherhood is my highest calling.
I’m so glad I’ve finally embraced it.