On Wednesdays we are thrilled to fling open the doors to all of YOU! We love hearing your dreaming stories…the lessons you’ve learned, the roads you’ve walked, the dreams He’s planted in your hearts! Today we are excited to welcome Sallie Burroughs to God-sized Dreams. She reminds us that there can be beauty, even if God asks us to wait on our dreams. Thanks for being here today, Sallie!
I feel like I have been struck by this same revelation not that long ago. Except, the reasons why and the circumstances around it have changed so much, yet the truth still remains:
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
Proverbs 19:21 (ESV)
I have made a lot of plans this past year. A LOT. Some, really awesome ones that make sense; some, that came from my deepest desires; and some, I’ve held on to fragilely. Some, I’ve shared with friends and family freely; others, I have held close to my heart with hesitation and a little bit of fear.
I did not see this year, it already being April, looking like it does.
In my mind, and according to my plan, I should have already been pregnant. I should have loved my job and been excited about the prospect of a career there. I should have found a home to move into so that I could end the cycle of renting/moving every year for the past 12 years and finally put down roots. I should have finally been at peace with my body and my mind, accepting and loving it for what it is and what it can do.
These were my plans, and they have not come to pass.
These were my plans, but they are not my current reality.
These were my plans that I still deeply desire but have no control over.
These were my plans, but what I do in this time of silence and waiting is all I can hold on to.
This season has been a season of wait, wait, wait, and wait some more.
These are my plans, but they are just a shadow of what is out there and what is to come.
You see, I keep fooling myself into thinking that I know best. I keep assuring my inner-self that my plans are best, that my one-year, two-year, ten-year plans are solid and awesome. I keep convincing myself that what I desire is actually, deep down, what God wants for me, too! Why else would I want it?!
However, these plans are just plans. They are not my present; they are only a glimmer of the future, and thankfully, God is so much bigger than these plans.
I can’t begin to describe the path that I’ve been on the past year and a half. It’s one of stubbornness, one of obsession at times, and one of frustration and confusion as to why I can’t have what I want when I want it.
Sound familiar? If you’re thinking this is the cycle of a small toddler’s life, then, yes. Quite familiar and welcome to an insight into who I have been recently.
For so long I’ve been striving after what I have thought is best, pushing my mind and body to be a certain way, putting my hope in things I thought I could control but actually cannot.
I thought I would only be happy once those things came to pass and I had my own way, but this journey has been one of refinement. It’s been one of waiting and silence and realizing that what I want is not always what is best. That unanswered prayers do not mean no forever, but that there is something else down the road that I should be preparing for rather than putting my time and energy into conjuring something up that is not right at the moment.
Something has broken within me in the most positive way.
Usually, that word “broken” has negative connotations. Yes, it hurt and still does at times. Yes, there is a grieving of the life you thought you would have. Yes, the brokenness comes with pain and rebuilding. However, this brokenness to me is also synonymous with “freedom”.
Freedom to be. To rest. To trust. To stop and to sit. To open up myself and my dreams to bigger things than what I had previously tethered and tailored and controlled. There is a peace in my soul in the middle of the silence, in the middle of the waiting, because I finally remembered that I do not know what is best.
That my plans are not His plans. And my ways are not His ways.
Yes, I will have to remind myself of this truth next week when I feel the downward pull toward those previous plans again and back toward those desires that are still good…just not right now.
You are not alone in your wanting and waiting.
Those dreams and desires of yours, too, aren’t necessarily wrong, and the time may come. However, enough waiting and obsessing for them before their right time. Enough pausing the life that is in front of you and not recognizing the beauty of the unknown ahead.
Sallie is a twenty-something wife and teacher residing in Southern California. For the past two years, she and her husband taught at an International school in Caracas, Venezuela. They recently moved back to the States and are adjusting back to life, jobs, and the busyness of relocation and transition. She loves to write about the essence of everyday life, the transition after international living, and the beauty, and sometimes chaos, of living, loving, and doing. Connect with Sallie at her website and on Instagram .
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