We are in the final month of 2015 and can I just say friends, I am not going to be sad when it is done. This has been a tough year for me in numerous ways. Hardship, growth, stretching, it has all come and at times it felt like I was sinking and fast. You my sweet dreaming sisters helped me through and so I will leave 2015 with a gratitude for that.
As hard as is it for me to admit, I have made idols of the different things I thought God had called me to. Many of those things were good…ministry work, serving others, leading here. But what I found as I walked through this past year is that I let those things define me. I valued my dreams and the way the accolades made me feel far more than the dream giver Himself. And in the middle of what I felt was my “calling,” things in my own personal life were falling apart.
I was writing and sharing positive messages of hope for all of you and not believing they were really possible in my own life.
You see, I had become two people.
I would share a message of hope and God’s grace here, trying to be a source of encouragement for each of you.
But in the same breath I desperately needed to confront some my own character defects but refused to because the work of it seemed too hard. I had stopped believing that things like redemption and grace were really true for me. I was lying to myself and ultimately hurting those that were closest to me.
Sometimes it is easier to try and be a light for others while pretending that the darkness surrounding your own life isn’t there.
And so one day I knew it was time to start laying down those idols so that I could really spend some time working with God on my heart.
I can’t even tell you how incredibly heartbroken I was over having to step away from some of the passions that I love.
It still hurts a little today even, but I am trusting that as I walk this new road with God, He will heal me from the inside in a way that will make any ministry I participate in that much more effective.
I am clinging to that.
In late October I stepped away from the worship team, the missions committee, the woman’s ministry we were just starting at church, and I came to Alecia and told her that I needed to do the same here too. Alecia had agreed a few months earlier to take over leading the site come the new year but my decision put her in a difficult place. She thought she would have more time to work through all the details of running this site and I eliminated that in a moment.
But oh the grace that covered me.
The entire team here at GSD’s surrounded me with prayer and encouragement and words of understanding. If there was judgement it wasn’t ever felt. What a gift that was in a time that was so heart wrenching for me.
THAT is the true heart of the women that come here each week to encourage you, sweet sisters. No matter where your journey takes you, please know that this is a safe place with no condemnation.
And so I am approaching the end of this year in a place I haven’t been in a long time.
I am humbled and broken but hopeful.
I am unsure of where God is calling me to in 2016, if anywhere. But with open hands I am trusting that this heart work, this healing, is a necessary step in the direction of His ultimate purpose for my life. (<====Click to Tweet)
So I walk forward in faith, it is all I can do!
Dear sisters it has been a privilege to walk beside you and lead this site this past year. I am not going away completely and hope to share some more words about what I am learning through this process, in the coming year. I would ask that you join me in encouraging and praying for Alecia. For protection from enemy attacks as she now walks forward in her calling. Prayer for courage and wisdom in the direction God would want to see GSD’s go. She stepped up in a time of uncertainty and offered more grace than I could have expected. God raised up the perfect woman to lead us forward and I am honored to call her friend. Thank you friends for loving me so well. I can only hope that in the coming year I can offer the same to each of you.
Photo Credit: Andree Brown
Shared By: Kristin Smith