Laying down my dream of homeschooling meant immediately embracing a whole lot of new.
With the freedom and excitement of new routines, relationships, and outlooks also came fear and challenges.
We waded through a flurry of phone calls, paperwork, meetings, and shopping to enroll our kids in school. A noticeable peace pervaded the process at first. Even the first two actual school days brought a wave of joy and gratitude.
And then we hit the bumps. With one daughter struggling in reading and writing, there was speculation over whether her grade placement was accurate. With the other, there were long division woes, and oh, the spelling words!
I fought back the condemning words in my own mind and the sadness and shame they carried with them: failure. Can you imagine what those teachers must think of you?
My inability to adequately allay my girls’ anxiety overwhelmed me. In my head, I knew all the truths that should have encouraged me, but they simply couldn’t dispel my emotion. Instead, we were all in tears.
Throughout this process, I had been noticing the number 55 all around me. Multiple times a day, I’d notice it on the myriad of clocks around the house: the oven timer, my wristwatch, cellphone, laptop, the cable box.
And I’d think of my friend, Amy. Over a year ago, she lost her police officer husband in the line of duty. His badge number was 55, and she learned that the number was police code for “I’m okay.” After his passing, she seemed to see the number 55 all over.
Okay, God. I thought. You must want me to check in with her.
So I did. And the 55 sightings continued.
Then it occurred to me…
The 55s weren’t about God asking me to reach out to someone. God was telling me: you’re going to be okay!
I’m really reading into that, I told myself. I can’t hijack Amy’s 55. It couldn’t be that God was ministering to me. My heart wanted me to run in the other direction.
Until I walked to my mailbox to find this:
At which point even my mother, who was visiting at the time, observed, “Do you think He’s trying to tell you something?”
Even then, I initially hesitated to receive His reassurance. But I eventually realized that this is where all God-sized dreams begin–by leaning into Him. (<===Tweet this.)
We love because He first loved us. He loved us into being, and His love saved us. It’s His love that created the dreams in our hearts. We must lean in, drawing close in communion to be filled with that love and to hear Him.
Going forth in that love, dreams come to fruition and spill His love all over others. (<===Tweet this.)
Friends, you will be tempted to run. Don’t. It’s counter-intuitive, but lean in close instead.
What is He whispering to you today?
What makes you want to run?
What makes you stay?
Shared by: Mandy Mianecki
Photo credit: Timtak