I am the type of person that is comfortable being comfortable.
When I am in a situation and I know what I know, I am ok staying in that “safe” place. I encourage others and cheer them on in their brave steps of faith. But when I am called to do the same, I am shaking in my boots.
It was when I least expected it that I got a vox from Christine asking if we could talk on the phone.
I immediately asked her if I was in trouble 😉 because of course I assumed the worst. She said it wasn’t that at all and we set up a time to talk a few hours later.
I wasn’t prepared for the question that she had for me. She felt God calling her away from leading this site, this baby of hers, and would I pray about stepping into her shoes?
Of course I felt honored, but mostly I felt unqualified and unprepared.
I said I had to pray about it and started circling it in prayer every morning. I wanted God to give me a sign. Something big and glowing and obvious. I am not good with the subtle nudges.
Every morning I would ask Him to reveal His plan for the site to me. I truly love the heart and the mission of God-sized Dreams, and I just wanted the right person – the person God had chosen – to fill the spot. Even if it wasn’t me.
For several weeks I prayed and prayed. I didn’t feel like I had an answer either way. Where was the neon flashing light for pete sake!?!
But there was something eating at me.
I was afraid.
Afraid that I would fail, afraid that I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility. Afraid that I wouldn’t be a good “leader”…what did I know about that anyways? And if I am being honest….what if the rest of the team didn’t want me leading and left? How humiliating that would be!
The what-ifs and fears can be debilitating.
At times it can be enough to keep you from stepping out in faith, being brave and rising up to the calling God has for you.
But I don’t want to live my entire life making decisions based on fear. So I continued to pray that God would equip me if this was a call that He had for my life.
He answered that prayer in many small ways, encouragement and confirmations from some fellow dreamers, and each of those things added up to one big confidence boost. I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13)
This was never about me and my abilities…it was always about bringing honor and glory to the God that has a call on each of our lives.
So I serve with a humble and grateful heart. From day one I have been honored to be a part of this site. I love the community that is building. It has been a joy to meet a few of you who walk with us in person, and I hope that continues.
This space has always been a place of safety, of home, for me and I pray that is for you as well.
We come from all stages and phases of life, but our hope is that when we do gather that it always feels like home. (<====Click to Tweet)
This is a new season for me. I don’t know how long God will call me to this ministry, I will serve Him first and try to model the obedience that I have seen in Christine. I know this was difficult and she wrestled with God over it all.
But she heard God’s voice, and followed His call, even when she didn’t understand the whys.
My heart seeks to do the same. I don’t know why God called me to this role, at this time, but I am trusting Him with the details. It is all we can do isn’t it?!
So if you find yourself faced with a call that you are unsure about, pray! Ask that God would equip you if the call is His. And then move forward in faith, remembering that the heart of any mission is to bring praise to the One who has made the call in the first place.
Shared by: Kristin Smith
Photo Credit: Greg Westfall