On Tuesdays we are thrilled to fling open the doors to all of YOU! We love hearing your dreaming stories…the lessons you’ve learned, the roads you’ve walked, the dreams He’s planted in your hearts! Today we are thrilled to welcome God-sized Dreamer, Amy Hunt, to this space…we know her heart and this piece of her journey will be such an encouragement to you!
For so long I have held a dream to have more than just one child. I’ve thought the reason my heart’s desire hasn’t been realized is because I’m not good enough. So, I tried practically everything I could to speed up God’s timing, including cajoling my groom and my God. Ultimately I realized that there’s absolutely nothing that I can do to make something like this happen.
We don’t know just how hard of a fight it was for Abraham to be willing to sacrifice his only son. He had a choice, just as I have a choice: I can hold back and try to control my circumstances to maintain some sense of comfort, or I can rest and trust God has purpose in His plan.
God wants me to be willing for whatever He has for my life.
He wants me to surrender my want to be in control. God wants me to be willing to release the hold I have had on everything as I’ve thought it makes a difference in my happiness, because it doesn’t. He wants to show me the life He has for me, the joy that comes to me when I simply trust and yield to His plan for the moment.
To live by fear and not faith comes with a cost: a wrestling, an aching, a distance in the intimacy between my Father and me, a knowing that I am not doing as He would like me to do. The gnawing feeling on my spirit will remain and it might even get a little heavier or tighter as I feel the warmth of His hands cupped around my heart, pleading for my heart to loosen its tight grip and submit to Him.
God wants to deliver me from the shackles entangled around my life that have held me against the wall with fear. He wants me to see that as I step away from my own imagined sense of control, He will lead me out of fear and into a place where I can abide in perfect peace . . . even though I don’t know what will happen.
When muscles are constantly contracted, they actually become weak. For so many years muscle memory was to clench life so tightly that I actually depleted my body of its energy reserve and strength. I placed incredibly high standards on myself, expected perfection, and nearly suffocated myself with what I loaded on my shoulders, assigned to my responsibility, and assumed as my capability.
I might think I’m preparing myself or that I know best, but I won’t ever know for certain. I am a human and I don’t always know what’s best for me.
I tripped myself up over my own expectations and assumptions and made demands of myself often that I didn’t need God. I looked around me and assumed that just because even some other people are doing something, it means that I should be doing the same thing. I expected things of myself without knowing for sure if I even should, or could, or ought to. I didn’t even consider if I was even honoring the unique person who God created in me. He allows me to be weak and messy, so that I need Him.
God wants me to be willing for whatever He has for my life. (<====Tweet this.)
“Whatever” is the whitespace with no margins or lines filling the pages. It’s the “what if . . .” that He invites me to rest in and to let Him fill in. It feels crazy, literally insane, to not control my life . . . to surrender the calendar and the dreams and my current life, as it is.
Am I willing to need Him?
This process is messy. I am a mess — a Royal one. My mess is for purpose and though I cannot see how, I believe He will take my brokenness and make beauty from it. God wants me to trust Him for all of my life – for me and even my dreams.
The uncertainty has been hard for me to hold. It seems more comfortable to “pack up” the dream. But, God made our hearts for hope.
Our real comfort is found in confessing the real ache of our soul, in lifting it up to Him, and in trusting that even if the desires of my heart aren’t fulfilled, my story has purpose. (<====Tweet this.) Discovering who God is and experiencing all that He’s done in me, experiencing life, makes the journey worth it.
I’ve wanted control because I fear for what may come and that it will be a reflection on me. And truth be told, there have been several times when I’ve wanted to end my life because I have failed to meet the expectations I’ve placed on myself to be some kind of super-human. It has seemed easier to just end it all, to check out and give up.
God slows my urgency to pack it all up. He wants me to hold onto hope loosely, trusting that He will use the dreams in my heart and that keeping them on the shelf isn’t wasted space in my life. He wants me to be me in this world, even though it’s hard and risk-filled. He wants me to experience life this side of Heaven. I belong here.
The offering He desires isn’t the perfect doing or the good girl performing, it’s my willingness to accept whatever happens in my story and to trust that whatever work needs to be done in me He will do it.
I can simply rest, as I am. And this is my worship. (<====Tweet this.)
A God-sized dreamy-ideas girl, Amy is passionate about seeing and declaring Real worship lived out in raw, real living. She lives in Central New York with her groom and their Boy-Man who are known to make her belly laugh most days. An early-morning riser, Amy is a sky-adorer and runs hills mostly just for the view. As a mess constantly in need of grace, Amy is learning to rest, as she is. You can keep up with Amy at her blog, A Rock For Him, and on Twitter.
Photo Credit: Matthew Smith
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