It was still dark and I woke up early. I pulled out my Bible and marched around my house. The one year mark approached. Seven days away. Six. Five. Ticking down. Claiming promises.
A hard year. Not a year absent His presence or His miracles. In fact, one full of blessings far beyond what I could imagine. But still, hard.
I stepped out in crazy faith believing things were about to break free. Feeling called to step out bravely and share my prayers with others. I’d even laid down the behaviors I’d hung onto which I knew were keeping me from a deeper relationship with My Heavenly Father.
The end of the week (and march) arrived. Like bells pealing on a Sunday morning, I awoke with music in my head. I knew God was moving and my tribe of prayer warriors stood confident with me.
Nothing I could see happened.
And I held fast to my faith knowing I couldn’t predict God’s clock or His ways. At least, I told every one of my friends who prayed for a breakthrough my faith was unchanged. Unwavering.
But let me tell you something. If nothing else to admit it for the first time, almost two months after that day came and went.
That is a lie.
I am typing this post a few hours before it’s due to run. It’s my last one here. I did not want to write it. I can write about things like kids shenanigans and fashion on my own personal blog, but in this space I feel called to share a snapshot of my faith on this up and down and ever-changing dreaming adventure. Like we’re sisters at sea together.
I say my faith is unchanged after this past year plus, and after that week of faith marching. I pray with my kids every night and at mealtimes. On Sunday mornings, I sing the songs and even raise my hands in worship. I lead a monthly bible study and encourage others in their faith.
But I return to the valley of bondage. I rely on the things that are fleeting because they make me feel temporarily better. Because when I don’t shop or pour myself a glass of wine or lose my temper, I am sad. I sit here questioning why I am stuck in this place, trapped in a bog.
There’s this line of theology out there that preaches if you pray the right prayers then you will be blessed. You will live in financial and physical wealth. You call unto the Lord and He will rain down showers of abundance once He hears your first words.
It’s not true.
The Bible is clear the trials get HARDER not easier as our faith deepens. If He’s going to use you powerfully in the next battle, He needs to know you are prepared. Did the elite Navy SEALS get to serve in special operations by getting massages and sleeping in? Hell, no. And I choose that word intentionally because it’s what they have to go through.
It’s what Jesus actually went through.
And I’m despairing over stagnation and uncertainty.
He did not call us to sit in bondage. What does Galatians 5 say?
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery… You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you.
Only the human race needs to be reminded we are set free for freedom.
It is for freedom we have been set free. It is not for fun or frivolity, mind you. There’s no promise it won’t be hard. In fact, it says exactly the opposite: In this world you will have trouble! But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:3
I am so thankful for His faithfulness in the midst of my faithlessness. Let me encourage you as I preach gospel to myself tonight. If you/we have grown despondent or to the point of despair because your dream or your spouse’s dream or your children’s dream looks mired down without hope of rescue, it’s not over. Don’t allow yourself to get in the way of The Great I Am:
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith… Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? …God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12
Shared by: Gindi Vincent