I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13 (KJV)
Barely making it home before the tears hit, I was grateful for the peace of my closet. In a small house, sometimes that’s the only place to really have a good cry. And cry I did. I cried and prayed and poured everything out to God.
It was only 8:30am, but already that morning, I’d had time to wonder if Psalm 27:13 might not be my life verse? I’d said it so many times over the last few days and weeks, but that morning it was the only thing keeping me going.
Over and over I repeated David’s words. Things looked terrible yet I hoped one day it would be better.
In a string of difficult years, this year has been one of the most challenging. And it’s led me to wonder, many times, is it possible to keep God-sized dreaming when we’re in the valley?
I’ve watched God take my struggles and turn them around. Not take them away always, but use them for good. I’ve seen Him use the lowest points in my life as the groundwork for my God-sized dreams. (<==== Click to tweet) And I say that from the battlefield. Not cleaned up, post-victory.
Since I was divorced 12 years ago, mothering has become a challenge beyond what I can put into words. Divorce adds a huge wrench into a family dynamic, which gets further compounded by non-communication.
As a direct result of these mothering challenges, I turned to prayer. Five years ago, I began to make prayer a priority because I was desperate for change in my family – but little did I know the change it would bring to me.
Never did I realize over the years how my God-sized dream would evolve into something involving prayer.
For the past three years, I’ve been praying with a Moms in Prayer group on Sundays at my church. For the first year, I’d have stomach pains from the time I woke up on Sunday morning, I’d be so worried about praying out loud. This fall, I’ll be leading a group. Only God could take a binding fear, deliver us, and turn it into a place of victory. (<==== Click to tweet)
That morning in my closet, I poured it all out to God, and suddenly felt a lifting of my sorrow. It wasn’t gone entirely, but it was as if the heaviness was off. The burden had been released. It was then I felt these words in my spirit, “Go clean your closet.”
Now, if you know me at all, you know this was not me thinking up these words. I have more of a “clean your closet only when the door no longer shuts” mentality. And maybe not even then.
However, I was so grateful to be released from that terrible sadness I actually got to work cleaning my closet!
I pulled out lots of random things – and one was the swag bag from Allume 2013. I’d taken out what I could use immediately upon returning, then set it in my closet only to have piles grow on top of it. I opened the bag, and out came an item. The tag read, You Are Loved. Then I saw the reason I needed to clean my closet. The tag was attached to a plaque that said:
Shared by: Christine Wright