We put our house on the market about a month ago. After much prayer (and research) we knew it was time to begin a new chapter. We hadn’t planned to move, but having a child with special needs means plans often change. We’re moving to ensure our son gets the best education possible.
While our decision to move was based primarily on Jackson’s educational needs, I’m excited to see what God has in store for us as we pack up our home and move to my favorite college town.
As a mother, I want Jackson to find his place at his new school. I want him to thrive and become all God created him to be. I want him to make friends who see past his challenges to the amazing boy he is. And as I pray about the dreams I have for my son, I realize I have similar ones.
I want to find my place in a new community, too.
The truth is, finding and being part of a community isn’t easy for me.
Sure, I’m part of several Facebook groups and feel pretty connected online; but the real-life stuff leaves me full of insecurity and feeling pretty alone.
I’ve never been the girl surrounded by a big church family or lots of friends. I see other people who have community and I wonder why I don’t. This is something I’ve struggled with my entire life.
God, is something wrong with me?
I’m pretty sure I’ve asked Him that question a thousand times.
The other day during my prayer time I poured my heart out to God.
Lord, why does it seem like I’m without community? Why do I not have more “close” friendships?
There were tears and transparency and tender moments between a Father and daughter.
In the moments after I uttered that vulnerable prayer, the Holy Spirit impressed answers upon my heart.
I opened my journal and wrote as quickly as I could.
It’s because you depend on people instead of me. You seek from them only what I can give – true love, acceptance and worth. You would exchange an intimate relationship with me for more people who will never meet your greatest needs. So I limit the number of people in your life because I’m a jealous God who wants a relationship with you.
Tears stained the pages of my journal as I sat with the reality of the words I had written.
I didn’t feel judgment or shame.
I felt an overwhelming amount of love.
There was nothing wrong with me.
I felt wanted.
I felt known.
That day during my prayer time, God reminded me that my small community isn’t insignificant.
When I struggle with insecurities about my place within a community or the number of close friends I have, Jesus always brings my heart back to what friendship looked like for him.
He had twelve disciples, but only three were considered his really good friends.
And again in Mark 5:37, He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James.
That intimate moment with my Heavenly Father was a healing experience.
While I still yearn for community and struggle with insecurity at times, I’m reminded there’s nothing wrong with me, God is insanely jealous of my time and His idea of community isn’t always the same as mine.
As my family embarks on this new journey, I’ll trust God to bring just the right people into my life and into my son’s.
Shared By: Jennifer Jackson Linck