I have a deadline. A real deadline. My first real deadline since becoming a mom. And the weight of it is hanging like a millstone around my neck, dragging me under, and its mom who’s drowning. Not the writer. Not the dreamer. Just Mom.
My three kids holler from the couch in the next room, “It’s movie night, Mama. We’re watching Annie! You love the old red-headed Annie.” I keep on typing, because, as I mentioned before, I have a deadline. “Come on, Mom, you sing Mrs. Hanagan’s songs so funny. Mooooooom…”
I hear my husband, their father, try his best to sing in my stead. But he’s not mom. I imagine them throwing popcorn like rotten tomatoes. Eventually I shut the computer down, stand up, and make my way into the family room, singing, “Little girls, little girls, everything around me is… little.”
We talk a lot about dreaming God-sized dreams, but I have to confess that the biggest dream I ever dreamed was the dream of being their mom. The biggest hope I ever hoped, in the face of infertility, was motherhood. And that biggest shining star of a dream-come-true was the moment my first brown-haired boy crowned, crowning me “mom!” And I praise the Lord for each one of my walking-talking miracles.
Trouble is, when my water broke, some 12 years ago, something else broke open-wide deep inside of me – a flood of inspiration. Just as the greatest dream came true, others lighted upon me as well. Dreams of writing stories and speaking hope to other moms. Dreams of capturing each of my baby’s lopsided smiles with a camera. Ideas for children’s books poured into my mind as I read to my boys before their naps, Bible study lessons stirred within me as I met with the Lord in the early morning moments before the babies awoke again.
Yes, when my dream of motherhood came true, it ushered in a score of other, seemingly impossible, dreams. Big dreams. God-sized dreams. Dreams I had no room for, what with babies nursing, laundry tumbling, dishes stacked, and a husband waiting for me eagerly, once the children were down for the night.
And then it happened. Long days became short years, and before I knew it the children started going to school and their father began taking them on father/son camping trips a couple times a year, and I found small places in my mothering dream that allowed me to dip my toes into new dreams.
There’s great pressure on moms with dreams today, and I think it’s an internal pressure more than an external one. A pressure we put upon ourselves to make every dream come true all together, all at once.
Perhaps Pinterest weighs in a bit, whispering into our subconscious self-talk that we should be able to do it all right now! The family and the fame and the fortune and the feelings… all the good. All this along with healthy meals, and great extravaganzas for our children’s birthday parties, intimacy with our husbands, and clean countertops too.
Now I’m not saying that you can’t, some do. But I want to give you permission today, here on this blog purposed to cheer you on in your dreams, to let your heart be satisfied with the dreaming. For now.
Take a moment and remember that you are presently, actively living your dreams, so many dreams cased in soft baby flesh. You don’t have to do everything else all at once. You’re allowed to let some of the other dreams simmer on the backburner of your very full mothering days. Keep a journal close by and record all the inspiration, all the ideas, the scriptures, the stories, the songs, the parties… Journaling is a gift. It says, “I trust that the future holds good things.”
If today your heart beats with a myriad of dreams beyond motherhood, be encouraged, a time is hastening on. Though it tarries, wait for it. Jot down your inspiration, confess your dreams right back to the giver of every good dream, and ask Him for wisdom to know when and where to invest in all of the gifts He so graciously implants in the heart and home of every dreamer.
Today’s post was written by Wendy Speake, co-author of the new book, Life Creative: Inspiration for Today’s Renaissance Mom. This is a must read for mothers with God-sized dreams! Order yours now here.