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The past several weeks have been a true walking out of my faith for me. I often can encourage others well, offer prayer, and support when someone is struggling. But when it comes time for me to listen to my own advice, I falter.
In September I was having some weird medical issues that brought me into my doctor’s office. A cyst was discovered on my only remaining ovary and it was determined that because of its abnormal walls, it needed to come out.
I spent a few awful weeks waiting for the surgery and essentially banned myself from Google because I was having mini panic attacks over all of the possibilities. I had stopped taking my fears to God and instead decided to turn to the wise-old internet to give me the answers I was seeking. It wasn’t comforting and I was wound up tight.
I realized that I had not stopped in all of the craziness to ask God to calm my spirit. Have you ever been there? Stuck in the crazy cycle of trying to manage your life and it just seems to be spinning further and further out of control?
It isn’t a fun place to be!
But, oh the peace that came when I stopped trying to control and anticipate the future and really opened my hands and my heart up and gave my fears over to God. I started by taking time each morning to write out my prayers in a prayer journal. It is something that I had done before but had stopped for a season. It was time to start again.
Writing out my prayers has always been good for me because it helps keep me focused and I can look back and see all the ways God has answered those prayers! Taking even 10 minutes out of my morning to spend time with God in this way was the perfect way to start my day.
In doing that simple practice and continually turning things back over to God, sometimes hour by hour, something started to change in my spirit.
Initially there was talk of possible hormone replacement therapy, which I was not fond of at age 42. So I started turning that over to God. I couldn’t control it if HRT was required…why worry about it now?!
Then when it looked as if there was a smaller possibility that the abnormal walls of the cyst could be indicative of cancer…I had something new to worry about. But once again I turned that worry over. We prayed openly as a family about the surgery and reminded our kids that God would take care of me, no matter what, so they didn’t need to worry.
The night before the surgery I felt such peace. I had no idea what the outcome would be, and honestly, I had steeled myself for the worst possible outcome, and in spite of that I was at peace about whatever would happen. I knew God would be walking with me. Hebrews 6:19 is one of my favorite verses… “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
There are times I think that I need to be my own anchor, my own support. When this happens I find myself worried and stressed and cranky!! But when I let go of control, I find peace and contentment knowing God ‘s got this.
When I woke up from the surgery I discovered that everything went better than expected. The cyst was normal and it was able to be drained and removed without taking my ovary. All of the fears I could have held on to were unnecessary.
There are so many situations in my life where I have tried to be my own “boss.” I let God have some things, but not everything. I have done it where my dreaming journey is concerned as well. These past few weeks have been a reminder to me that there is a better way.
Trials will come. Whether it is in your personal life or your dream journey, it will never be smooth sailing. How we enter into those trials and walk through them is our choice. We can choose to have peace because God has an abundant supply of peace to offer us, or we can choose to white knuckle it through, pretending that we have it all under control.
I won’t always get it right, I know that. But I am hoping that when the next difficulty comes I will remember this situation and be ready to more quickly hand over control to God.
Are there some things in your life right now that you are trying to manage on your own? May I encourage you to open your hands and your hearts to turning those things over to God?
He is your anchor.
Shared by: Kristin Smith
Photo Credit: Sunny_ravin