On Wednesdays we are thrilled to fling open the doors to all of YOU! We love hearing your dreaming stories…the lessons you’ve learned, the roads you’ve walked, the dreams He’s planted in your hearts! Today we are excited to welcome Jean Marie Bauhaus to God-sized Dreams; she reminds us that in the ups and downs of dreaming, we can always count on our Father to be faithful. Thanks for being here today, Jean!
One day last fall, I holed up by myself in my quiet place, a little bedroom nook where I could pray aloud without being heard. I had a lot of things I wanted to cry aloud to God about, and I knew there was bound to be some actual crying in the process that I didn’t want anyone to see.
I’ve been waiting a long time for some of my dreams to happen.
I have big dreams in my heart, dreams that include becoming a best-selling author and having a thriving blog ministry. I have more personal dreams, too, dreams that might be on a smaller scale but to me seemed even bigger and more impossible. Dreams like becoming a mother even though it seems like that ship has sailed and my husband and I missed the boat. Dreams like moving out of our crime-ridden neighborhood and back to the country where, if kids ever did happen, we could raise them in peace.
I was struggling with disappointment because it seemed like that first dream had been dashed. Just weeks before, I had launched my first traditionally published novel. Despite all my efforts to build excitement about it, and despite all my prayers for its success, book sales were lackluster.
Somewhere along the way I had convinced myself that this book was the key to all of my dreams coming true. That if God chose to bless it and allow it to prosper the way I hoped it would, we’d be able to move, I’d finally be able to get good insurance, and we could start trying for a baby.
When my book failed to take off out of the starting gate, it felt like all my other dreams stalled along with it. Sitting there in my nook with tears streaming down my face, I confessed all of this to God, along with my anger and frustration and hurt feelings. “When, Lord?” I cried. “When will you bring my dreams to reality?” And then I lifted my eyes and saw the stack of paperback copies of my book that my publisher had sent me, and I heard a still, small voice speak to my heart:
Daughter, I already have.
Suddenly I remembered another dream I once had, seemingly ages ago. I was 26, single, and spending my days working a secretarial job. At night, in the early mornings, and on my lunch hour, I was working on my first novel. My dream then was simply to be a published novelist, and I wanted it so badly. Back then I didn’t care about writing a best seller. I would’ve been extremely grateful just to have a publisher think my writing was good enough.
Fast-forward 16 years. There I was, with a stack of author copies sitting on my desk, of a novel that a publisher had decided was good enough.
I picked up a book from that stack and held it in my hands.
And that voice spoke to me again. If I was faithful to bring about the dream of twenty-something Jean, do you not think I’ll be just as faithful to bring about the dreams of present-day Jean?
God gave me that dream when I was in my twenties, and I have to tell you that He brought it about in spite of me. Not long after I finished that first attempt at a novel and got a couple of rejection letters, I put it away and wouldn’t complete another novel for another six years. Even when I did finally write one I felt confident about enough to let people read it, I was too afraid of rejection to submit it, and went the self-publishing route instead. It was that first self-published novel that I now held in my hands–only God had brought it to the attention of an actual publisher, who reached out to me about re-publishing it under their label and turning it into a series.
I ran and ran from that early dream, too afraid to even try to make it happen. But God made it come true anyway.
And I know I can trust Him to bring them about in His timing, in His way. It probably won’t be when I want it to happen, or look the way I expect it to. But He was faithful then, and He is just as faithful now.
His faithfulness never ends.
Photo Credit: Matt Bauhaus
A Jesus girl through and through, Jean Marie Bauhaus is on a journey of healing and rediscovering who God purposefully created her to be. She blogs about her journey at Daydream Believer. She’s the wife of Matt and mom to a crew of four-legged dependents, all of whom make their home in Northeastern Oklahoma. Jean counts coffee, dark chocolate and a yarn addiction among her vices. She’s the author of Restless Spirits, a romantic paranormal mystery now available from Vinspire Publishing. Find out more about her novels and short fiction at jeanmariebauhaus.wordpress.com
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